there comes a time in every woman's pregnancy where you took at yourself in the mirror and think "i'm never going to snap back from this". you feel like your body will be a puffed version of its once toned and tight body forever. i looked down and instead of my usual view of my flip lfops, i saw tummy. some women love this journey of pregnancy; getting the pootch, getting the round tummy that complete strangers feel entitled to rub, shopping for marternity clothes, and having that pregnancy glow. i feel like a traitor to my kind because i don't enjoy it. i enjoy feeling him move around, shifting to get comfortable and i love imagaining the day when he'll join our family, but the time in between is not ideal. i don't enjoy the weight gain, the sleepless nights. the waddling, and i really don't enjoy the bedrest aspect. the worst thing about bedrest is how isolated you feel. you're at home all day and even if you're busy with homework or cleaning or watching tv, nothing compares to human interaction. at least my landon is coming home tomorrow!! i have been so sad the last couple of days, the stress of bedrest getting to me. he's going to be home and seeing his smile will fix everything!! my mother in law is coming tomorrow too and she is staying for a few weeks and hallelujah for that!! it will so nice (espcially if the doctor doesn't let me go back to work) to have her here, for me and jordan and landon. he absolutley adores her! i will really need her here depending on what results come back from jordan's test.
for those of you who don't know, jordan has skin cancer and every single mole or spot on his skin is full blown cancer waiting to happen. it's terrifying to think that we could get that bad news at anytime, but luckily, we have a determatologist that is keeping on top of it. jordan was one of the youngest patients to have the Moh's surgery, which was the removal of a basal cell carcinoma from his temple. some tissue and muscle had to be removed at the same time. he's had several other scares but they've been taken care of. last friday, he had a spot that was diagnosed precancer last year. he was supposed to have it removed a long time ago but put it off. he had it removed on friday and us and the doctors are keeping our fingers crossed and praying that it doens't come back melonoma, which can be one of the deadliest forms of cancer because of how fast it can spread. we hopefully will find out the results in the next week or so....hoping for good news and bracing for the bad, just in case. so in case it is bad news, it will make it easier to cope with whatever we need to do if his mom is here.
other than hoping i was able to take off this ever growing fat suit, making a permenant butt dent in the couch and hoping everything will work out for the best with jordan, we're doing alright. we'll be ten times better when bubba comes home tomorrow!! yea!! kathy has been getting him interested in potty training and so that will be our next venture....end of diapers would be fantastic...for now...until this new one comes and we start all over
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