Friday, April 16, 2010

so long 25

there is always that one person around your birthday that asks that same question, and i dread it every year......."so are you where you thought you'd be at 26?" i always wonder at what age this expectation was set i where i thought i'd be at 26 when i was 10? 15? 25? so vague. the answer in the broad sense of the word is yes and no.

when i was seven, all i wanted to be when i grew up was a mommy...accomplished.

when i was age 8-25 all i wanted to be was a writer.....failed...i have all of these things that i have written and they are sitting around, collecting dust, benefiting no one. i always thought by now i'd be a moderatly successful writer, by which i mean that someone else than my mom owned a copy of something i'd wrote. bless her though that if i did and it made it to barnes and noble, she'd buy like 10 copies and have me sign them all. i never anticpated to become some famous writer, that people discussed in small book clubs over cucumber sandwiches but a mere positive review in a regional newspaper somewhere would have sufficed. i wish so badly that this could be something i could full time on....tracking down publishers, illustrators, and getting carpal tunnel syndrome from typing all day...sigh..i guess this is a new year.

when i was 22, i wanted to be wedding gown skinny my whole life..failed as a result of previously mentioned motherhood...i'll admit that for my age and for having two kids so close together the damage could have been worse but the damage has certainly been done

my whole life i wanted to be of the best things about my life

when i was 16 i said one day i'd find religion...accomplished...bringing great joy and blessings to our life right now

when i was 4 i said i wanted to be princess...failed...i am neither girly enough to be a princess or fictional

when i was 13 i swore i'd keep the best of my friends close my whole life...accomplished with shades of gray...i love and adore the ones i have and trying to make things better with the friends i had or am gaining

when i was 18 i said i'd get a college degree....failed, sort of...still in the works....longest associate's degree attempt ever

in all this reflection i realize that where i am is where i am and the age associated with it is going to change every year. all i can do is set the smaller next year, when that person asks me again, i'll say, "when i was 26, i said next year i'll be 27 and the rest is already in the past..all i can do is try and ask me when i'm 28"