Friday, December 26, 2008
from here, landon has to have a brochoscope done. he has to have a rigid scope done, so he'll be put under anthesia for the procedure. they are doing this form so that if they need to biospy any tissue or correct a narrowed, collapsed or damaged airway, they can. this hasn't been scheduled yet but should be happening in the next week or so. i'm going to be there for him...and for myself. i've been waiting for someone to give me an answer to his problems his whole life. it keeps getting pushed back on a cold, or allergies, or congestion, or "it's going around". we recently found out that a pediatrician diagnosed landon with a chronic disorder called reactive respiratory disorder back in february, but never told us about it. i found about it when i called to get copies of his record sent to my work. this disease is very confusing becasuse some doctors say it must not be confused with asthema and some websites say they are one of the same. regardless of what it is, that isn't what the pulmonologist has told us. so we're going to put landon through the poking and proding and sedation to find something!! hopefully, it is nothing too seirous like a defect in his airways or a tumor or anything else scary you read about on the internet and the doctors list as the "worst case scenarios for this situation".
so my poor little guy. i just want him to have an answer and ultimately, a solution.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
this christmas was fun because landon understood what was going on, more so than last year. he helped rip off wrapping paper and ate christmas brunch with us. he played with the toys and books we got him and wore himself out playing with the little tikes hoop we bought him. i think he might go pro one day! check out this dunk!
here are the rest of the pictures from our christmas morning.
as the day winds down, the dishes get clean, the wrapping paper finds its way into the recycling bin, we hope that you all had a wonderful and joyous day as well. we hope you got everything you wanted and we hope that you even had the chance to give to those less fortunate than yourself, even if it was the smallest donation. we gave to the salvation army several times and gave a toy for tots. hope someone enjoys it and it brings a smile to their face.
as the new year approachs, it starts the time to reflect on the past year, comment on how fast it went by. it's also time for most people to torture themselves with new year's resolutions. most resolutions last six weeks into the new year. it's a depressing statistic. imagine what all could be accomplished if people had a little more willpower and endurance in their goals. the problem for some is they make the statment "this year i will......" knowing they won't obtain the end result and therefore can proclaim the same resolution each and every year. some have every intention of sticking to their guns. somewhere along the way, they just get lost or busy or distracted. so, my loved ones, i ask that this year, you set a resolution that can be reached. don't make it too easy...make it so some hardwork goes into it....and let us not fall into the habit of making other people's resolutions for them. ie. i tell my mom every year, this will be the year you stop smoking, and she has no intention to stop, and then i get disappointed come december. easy steps this year:
1. make a resolution that you know you can keep, it means a lot to you to accomplish, and you won't give up on it in april
2. don't make anyone else's resolution (outloud)
love and blessings to you all!!! talk to you again soon! sleep tight!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
he's seen specialists at the top hospitals, had a hospital stay even, and he never gets better. i love him and along with being happy and well adjusted, i want him to to be healthy. not a day goes by when i don't hear that labored, low croup. most of the time, he acts liek it doesn't even bother him. he coughs and then smiles and walks away. i don't want it to be something he just lives with. i don't want him to accept the fact that he's a daycare kid...i want him to be able to run around the park without wheezing and coughing after ten minutes.
daycare kid.....i never thought he'd be one of them.
Monday, December 8, 2008
what i would really want, what would be ideal would be to work part time, stay home with landon, sell my writing to make up for the lack of time spent behind the desk, and live off the salary of my husband's sports statistics job. it would be a win win life; i'd still be making money, doing what i love (writing), staying home with my mess maker, and jordan would be ranking nba players on their missed free throws and rebounds. to make it truly ideal, our family would live nearby and we would have big family dinners every sunday night and we'd play board games and drink coco....very currier and ives. we'd all take family pictures in delightfully cheesy matching sweaters and have picnics in the park. again, the fifties weren't so bad for moms, right? just avoid the nip of scotch after supper.
for now, i'll plug away at a 9-5 pace and try to keep the perm-a-smile going as i do it....all along knowing that we are capable of more love if we just have more time...and more money would help too
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
After my last post, I was so angry about the direction my healthcare was taking. I know that a sick person for doctors is a business, but it should never be treated that way. At the recommendation of my boss, who suffered the same frustration with a treatment she needed, I went to see a doctor at the mayo hospital. It is one of the best hospitals and their reputation for service is stellar. I went in during my lunch on Tuesday the 18th. The campus was beautiful and all the people were nice. I saw dr magtiby, and I heard about eight different pronunciations of his name in the time I was there. I told him all my symptoms and we talked about the degree of pain I was in. he was very honest and direct and told me if everything went okay, I could have surgery the next day. My eyes welled when he told me that this pain would be taken care of and that I could get back to being normal and taking care of my family. So after finishing everything up at work, I went home and prepared for surgery. I had to be on a complete fast for 18 hours, which meant no food or drink. That was tough. In the morning, I put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt (because hospitals are always cold) and got a book and my pink blanket and we headed out. It was an outpatient procedure so I didn’t bring an overnight bag. We dropped off landon for the day and I gave him a big hug because I knew I wouldn’t be able to pick him up or hold him for a week to two weeks. Jordan had to go in to work so he dropped me off at the hospital early. I sat patiently in the waiting room and listened to all the other reasons people were having surgery that day. One man was having a kidney removed, one woman was having a mastectomy, and one boy was having his arm broken again to the bones to heal right. I was nervous but it was much more comforting at this hospital then I wouldn’t felt at my originally intended hospital. The nurse called me in and I had to put on that ridiculous sheet gown they make you wear. They started an IV and the doctor came in and drew a purple x on my right side. Just as I was going to be put out, Jordan popped in and told me he’d be waiting for me when I was all done. That was the best thing, to see him before I went in. they put me under and the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery area. The doctor had made four incisions into my abdomen; one to look into the right ovary and take care of the mass that was there. One into the belly button to look around the stomach and intestines and to remove the appendix. A third to look into the uterus and clean some tissue out that was still there from having landon, and a fourth to look at the bladder and other organs in that area. The surgery all lasted about 2 hours. I was beat up. The recovery area had about 10 beds and some of the people who were in the waiting room were in there too. The nurses laughed because I kept falling asleep and then waking up suddenly and calling out to them, like separation anxiety. They kept asking what my pain from 1 to 10 was and it was really terrible for the first few hours. Jordan came back to see me and said he had to go get landon from daycare. The doctor said I couldn’t leave that night. I was in too much pain and my vitals weren’t strong enough. So they put me in a recovery room of my own and my nurses were fantastic; I wanted for nothing. If I was tired, they turned the lights off, if I was thirsty, they got me some juice, and if I was in pain, they had the stuff to help me. My mom was great too. She called me at least three times a day to see how I was and to make sure she didn’t have to have some words with any nurses about taking care of her baby girl. The whole time I was in recovery, my blood pressure was really low, which was odd. When it was time to get up and try to walk, I only got a few steps before I felt sick and dizzy and passed out a little in the hallway. I was really tired too. I’d be awake just long enough for the nurses to check in on me and then I’d drift off again. It was partially due to the medicine they gave me, but my body was working really hard to heal me. Good thing the nurses were right there to catch me. I didn’t get to go home that day either. On Friday, I was up walking a little at a time and actually got to eat some food. Jordan came and took me home and I was glad to be home, but it was different. In the hospital, I was allowed to be down and weak and taken care of. At home, I had responsibilities and I felt terrible not fulfilling them….especially not being able to hold Landon when he was sleepy at bedtime. I was really sick Friday night. I had a high fever with chills and shaking. Jordan loaded me up with blankets and I feel asleep for awhile but when I woke up, I was throwing up and clammy and felt awful. I finally fell back to sleep. Saturday, we were all supposed to drive to California for our friend’s mark and kami’s wedding and there was no way I could go. Thankfully, our friends Ryan and kami watched Landon overnight. They are great! Landon loves to play over there too because kade has all the big boy toys. Jordan left and I slept most of the day, trying to get up every once and awhile to see if I could walk some more. Sunday, kami brought Landon back over and Kyle, my dear brother in law, came to help. He’s a great uncle and Landon adores him. Kyle brought us jack in the box which I don’t really eat but it was the first meal in over a week that I was able to keep down, so I was happy. Jordan came home and worked from home yesterday to help take care of me. I’m still really sore and can’t do much. My stomach is all bruised this yellow kind of bruise. I go back to the doctor tomorrow so he can tell me what, if anything, he found in the biopsies and during the surgery. Hopefully, he fixed whatever the problem was and everything will be fine. If not, I’m confident that if I have to be treated for something else, that the mayo hospital is the place to have to done at. I’ll be letting you all know what he has to say about his trip into my abdominal cavity tomorrow!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
if the surgery gets moved up, i'll let you all know.
Monday, November 10, 2008
i may not be blogging too much in the next, oh i don't, week or so. the doctor told me today that i need to go in and surgery. i'm not what day i have to go for it, but it doesn't sound like major surgery. for the past couple of months, i've had this terrible pain in my lower right abdomen and i went to two doctors and had numerous tests before they sent to my primary obgyn, the same doctor that delivered landon. he discovered a mass on my right ovary and said it might also be causing some problems to the appendix as well. after what they call "watchful waiting" and tryingto treat it with a steriod hormone, i had another ultrasound the end of last week. the mass didn't go away and didn't even shrink a little....impervious to the medicine. it was supposed to disappear all together. the pain is still there and so the doctor is recommending to have laproscopic surgery to remove the mass primarily and if necessary, other organs. from what i read online, it could be a little nothing surgery with little recovery time, or it could be a war zone in there. my worst fear, of course, is that it's cancer. based on everything that i've been reading i've been displaying almost all the syptoms of ovarian cancer, most recently loss of appetite and weight loss. hopefully it isn't anything that serious. the people that i have told always ask the same question "does this mean you can't have any more kids?" so far, the answer is "no". the doctor doesn't predict any infertility problems. so keep your fingers crossed for me that it's a pesky cyst and nothing more!!!
love to all of you!!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
landon loves to go on the swing, but someone else was using them. landon is bigger now, so we thought he might like going down the slide. here's the video and based on his expression, maybe we'll just stick to the swings for awhile. this is when everything starts to get fun! he's becoming so interactive and before, the park was just a place that wasn't the house, but he was able to get out of his stroller and walk around and he seems to like it. i'm glad that now that weather is a little less harsh we'll be able to go more.
then it was time to get dirty!! it took him a little while to really get into eating the cake. everything up until that point in his life had been in liquid form or in tiny bite sized pieces. i think he was more overwhelmed by the portion. eventually he got it to fall apart and luckily he took his clothes off or it would have been an even bigger mess. needless to say, it was straight into the bath after he was done. he is eating the cake. the rest of the pictures can be seen from the picasa link below the video. it was a good day! full of laughter and love. i just wish that our family could've been there to share it with us. it isn't fair to them or us to miss out on these events, like birthdays and holidays. hopefully, it won't always be that way.
picasa link to pictures is:
Thursday, October 30, 2008
it feels like just yesterday we were in the hospital having our little landon. he was born october 30, 2007 at 10:17am. this morning, we woke up and he was a year old. it is incredible how fast the time goes. it's hard to even remember those first days and first few months, when he was so small and fragile. now, he's rough and tumble, walking and falling but pulling himself up. this past year for us has been amazing. being a mom is a lot of hard work but it's so worth it. it is fun and fulfulling and everyday i am so thankful to have this guy. my heart swells everytime i get that big, wide mouthed smile! the year has been full of so much love and we've really grown into our little family. jordan is the best dad to landon. he loves him so much and you can see it everyday in his eyes, like he's holding him for the first time. landon just adores him and i knew all along that jordan was going to be a fanatastic dad but he amazes me still everyday. when it's been a long night, or a rough flight home, or even just a tummy ache, those are the moments when you really understand what unconditional love is. we have it for him and he has it for us. over the past year, he has reached all the milestones that kids do and with each passing day, he changes. he figures things out and he's becoming a little person. it's a bittersweet day and i have to admit that i've been a little sad, because he's no longer my little baby bucket....but this morning when he woke up and i came into the room and he reached out for me, i picked him and he laid his head on my shoulder, and i knew that this was just the begining. so i put the sadness aside and decided to have fun with my son on his birthday. i wanted to remember the day with something he could enjoy doing and have as a keepsake. we did fingerpainting, which was in fact fun, but it was also a huge mess!!! let's just say a bath was needed afterwards for the both of us. here's video of my one year old landon, the mess maker. happy birthday baby boy!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
i knew i was going to be sad when he turned one and the quote, unquote, infant phase was over. i was picking out clothes and had to start looking in the bigger kid section. it felt like the days of layette sets and soft plush toys was so long ago, when the opposite is true. it's hard to remember those first few days of his life...how tiny and fragile he was. now, he was walking around the store, flirting with all the girls, and shaking his head no when presented with a toy he wasn't crazy about. he'd lose his balance and plop down on his padded behind but get right back up again. he's my little man now.
at the end of the day, we came home and unloaded all the bags. i put all his birthday stuff in the downstairs office, and put away all the stuff he was going to be using now and for our upcoming trip to pennslyvania. still a little sad that his closet was full of 12 month clothes, he came up to me with his binky and his favorite blue blankie and put his arms up for me to hold him. we sat down and he laid his head on my chest. he drifted off to sleep and i wasn't sad anymore. he may not be a newborn, but he is still my baby, reagardless of what size clothes he has and what toys we get for him.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
jordan's mom said all the kids walked early and my mom said that i did too and i wasn't expecting him to try so early but he did and he was so proud of himself too! his face light up and even though he looked like a little drunk man stumbling home from the bar, it was the cutest thing i've ever seen
our little walking boy at tem months and three weeks old!
Monday, September 15, 2008
so they all sized me up, looking at my blonde haired blue eyed charmer. he had all the travel essentials and was behaving well.
we boarded the flight at about 8pm and this was a delight to me, hoping that the flight would coinside with the time he usually fell asleep and it would be smooth sailing.
he gave a great ten minutes...sat quietly, appeared to be sleepy, and cuddled up on my lap. i was starting to put the big ha! ha! to everyone in the plane and say "how dare you assume just because he's a baby he would be loud and disturb your flight." just as i got to that confident level, my little landon popped up, took out his binky, and started yelling. we had got to cruising altitude and his ears hadn't popped. he cupped his hands over his adorable protruding ears and cried and cried. i felt so bad. it was obvious that he was uncomfortable. i tried to soothe him with a bottle and a game of peek a boo but it wasn't working.
i was suddenly having flashbacks of a bill cosby segment about jefferey who was three years old and everyone on the plane hated jefferey. i laughed at the time, but i imagined i looked a bit like the mother he described, hair a mess and a long drawn face from the stress.
it was the longest hour ever!
just as we started our descent, landon curled up with his favorite blue blankie and fell asleep. i breathed lightly so as not to jostle him awake.
the plane landed and everyone deboarded and although the passers by all commented on how cute he was and handsome, i knew they ended those comments in their mind with "while he's alseep." i gathered up my sleepy bundle and headed out, knowing that next time, it was going to be better. i had survived my first baby flying experience and figured since no one had asked us to spend the duration of the flight in the tiny lavatory or worse, never return, it had been a success.
today, we flew back. as before i mentally prepared myself and packed everything, but the over confidence. i knew that things could go wrong again despite the toys and bribery of playing with my cell phone.
it happened again. ears wouldn't pop, snacks didn't work, binky wasn't helping, except there was no nodding off at arrival. we gathered our things and walked off the tiny plane. the yelling and agony continued the whole way home...another hour's worth.
i was exhausted, he was exhausted and wet and we were both hungry.
as i laid him down in his room to change him, he looked around and stopped crying and started to laugh. he knew he was back home. it almost erased all that stress and drama to see him happy in the home that jordan and i have given him. he gave me a slobbery raspeberry and called for his dada and then he took a bath with all his rubber duckies and toys.
i guess when we fly to pennslyvania next month, a good four hour flight, we'll head off with the "what are you gonna do? he's a baby afterall" mentality and just take the dirty looks as they come and remember that we used to be the annoyed travelers once too. we'll just smile and aplogize and go about our way.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
this week, jordan and landon are in washington and oregon for jordan's cousin's wedding. i, on the other hand, am at home with the two dogs and the cat. they are good company and good security too. the boys left only a day ago and i miss them both like crazy.
landon is getting so close to walking. he cruises around the room, barely holding on to something. i think he might walk in the next couple of weeks.
he just passed his 10 month bechmark on his way to his first birthday and it is funny to see him turning into a little person. he has a sense of humor and he's so smart.
he just broke through with his first tooth, but better late then never. he has the biggest open mouth smile, so it's kind of sad that now it will change, but it will allow to eat all the things he sees us eating all the time.
baby taylor, our niece and landon's first cousin, got her baby blessing this past sunday. for those of you who aren't Mormon, allow me to clarify; a blessing is not a baptism. a blessing is a verbal gift, if you will. it voices the hopes and aspirations for the child during their life and documents the baby on the church records.
i was born and raised with catholic values, so i baptized when i was an infant. the Mormons have the belief that a child choses their faith at the age of 8. there is no need to baptize the babies because they are God's purest beings and if anything happens to them, they go right to heaven to be with him. the lds people say that the spirits inside the babies that pass only needed a body for a short time. its a wonderful belief.
taylor cried most of the time, but she was hungry. landon was so good though. he was quiet and sat there holding his blanket and just listened as his grandpa (jordan's dad) spoke to the group in the room. it was us, logan and felicia, kyle, jenna, rd, baby sarajane, sumner, kami, ryan, kade and the bishop. small room so it got kind of hot in there.
after the blessing, we all went for a picnic in the park and it was a hot day so the little boys played in the splash pad. landon was fearless. i took his clothes off and let him crawl into the fountains with only his diaper on and he wasn't scared at all. he'd put his hand over the spout and laugh as it shot back up. he never cried or whined at all. he's a water baby!
jordan's dad was here visiting this weekend and came for the blessing, but also to take jordan's sister katrina home. i was sad to have her leave. growing up, it was just me and mikey and i didn't have any girl cousins my age so it was fun to have someone to go to the mall with and watch movies with. felicia and i took her to get a pedicure and it was her first time. after we were done, she said it was fun but strange because the nail tech doesn't talk to you. i told her it's because they don't really speak english. i made a joke that they talk about us though in their native tongue, because i really think they do. they aren't shy about it.
it was back to work after the long weekend and it was long day.
hope to have some pictures up soon.