Friday, June 11, 2010

you think that its gonna be just another day when you get to work and sit at your desk to take calls and the you hear that a friend of yours won't be coming in to work..ever again. My friend mary died last night from a self inflicted gunshot wound..and just like that, a piece of this worl was gone. She was the sweetest, funniest person with a huge heart and a smile that would light up the room and as a team mate, she made the days a little bit better just talking with her. I saw her this week and we stopped and had a short conversation between calls and and bathroom trips and she made me smile and laugh and then we were on our way....and that short conversation about how busy it was and how the calls never stop was the last time we were going to chit chat. I was trying at work this morning after I heard to stay calm and strong and not let on..until I got up to go to the bathroom and walked right by her empty desk..and it was truly empy..she wouldn't be coming in to put her sweatshirt on and her headset. It was all just there....waiting for her. 
I always had heard that people who commit suicide prepare...give things away, clean up, tie up loose ends..this desk was unfinsihed business and left no indication that she was not returning to it. 
it was so unexpected...
as someone who once tried and thought about suicide in my youthful days, when I didn't and couldn't see the value of life, I shutter now to think what I would have missed had I been successful. I saw the hurting in peoples faces today and saw them wipe their tears and I would hate to think I had caused such a deep rooted pain in someone...your heart actually hurts.I can only imagine how her family must feel because I have the pleasure of knowing some of her friends and they have an abundance of love and they are suffering the loss...her family must be too at such an incredible level..  I said a prayer for mary and her family and friends and I hope heavenly father hears it and grants us comfort and one day, we'll understand why that that moment she felt she had to leave. I hope mary has some peace now and surrounded with love and receives the love lofting from the earth.