Tuesday, June 23, 2009

tubes today

when the alarm blared at me at 4:25 this morning, i was half tempted to shut it off and go back to bed because i knew getting up meant taking my bubba in for surgery. i got up and quietly got ready so as not to wake anyone and then tried to get landon ready to go while he was still half asleep. his sleepy little eyes stared at me in the darkness of his room and i whispered to him "hopefully this is the last thing you have to go through honey". i loaded him in the car and we headed off into the sunrise. luckily, he slept the whole way there so he didn't realize that we had skipped the kitchen and breakfast before getting in the car. when we got the hospital, he was so interested in where we were that he didn't think to fuss at all. i understand why they need you to fast before a surgery involving anthesia but it is so unfair to the little ones because they have no idea what's going on. he saw other people eating and a couple times asked "more?" to me, begging for food. we went back to the surgical area waiting and that big obnoxious dinosaur barney kept him entertained with a sing a long tape until it was time for him to go in. something about that dinosaur creeps me out, always has. he kept saying, " we all know this song" and it was a song i'd never heard before, so in a way, he's assuming that your child will request to watch his video over and over again until they no longer feel left out of the choir. bothers me. anyway, they had to come give landon a breathing treatment before he went under anthesia because of his respiratory problems and he was not happy. a big. burly male nurse then pinned his arms to his side and held him for the duration of the treatment. poor kid....manhandled by a giant with brillo pad arm hair and coffee breath. they gave him back to me and i was able to get him to settle down just in time for them to come snatch him away from me. last time he went in for a procedure, i was able to go in with him and wait until he had started to drift off, making it less traumatic. this time, they took him and headed off down the hall, instructing me to the waiting room. landon cried and stretched his little arms for me as they rounded the corner and disappeared. my heart hurt. it was so hard not to cry but i knew if i did, it would probably upset him even more.
it was a fairly quick procedure and he was done within the half hour. i was surprised it went so fast. they didn't have any recovery time or observation time. they told me to pull the car up and they were going to bring me my son, who was waking up from anthesia. last time, we got to wait in recovery for about an hour to make sure he would be okay. i wish they would have done the same this time. they came out and handed me a very scared, confused, drugged up baby and he was so angry. i tried to ease his frustration with his favorite blankie and some chocolate milk but he wasn't having it. for those of you who know the phoenix area, i got to drive from paradise valley hospital to our house in surprise with landon screaming at me in the back. all he wanted was comfort and cuddles and instead, he was strapped down in his seat. from start to finish, the whole way home, even got stopped behind a passing train, he yelled and kicked and threw his binkie at me.
as soon as we got home, he was fine. he went up and saw his daddy and his daddy told him everything was okay. he took a nap and had some lunch and seems to be doing okay. i'm glad. i just hope that this surgery does what it is supposed to do and give the kid some relief from all this discomfort.

Monday, June 22, 2009

baby update and yet another crappy thing landon has to go through

we went to the doctor today and got to do a 3d ultrasound. the thing about these ultrasounds is that they require the cooperation of the baby and just like his brother before him, dylan didn't want us to see him in all his glory. he gladly gave us a side profile before rolling onto his stomach. i am not a stomach sleeper but jordan and landon are, so i'm guessing dylan will fall in line. from what we could tell, he looks like landon. they have the same cheeks and same nose. this also means i may not have a child who resembles me at all, unless he's making a frowning face, squishing up his brow, making wrinkles in his forehead. they looked at his growth and said that he weighs around 3 lbs 10 ounces already. geesh!! no wonder my stomach popped out almost overnight and sticks out like i'm smuggling a pumpkin under my shirt. i'm guessing he'll weigh about what landon did, 7 pounds 10 ounces, that is if he stays in that long. dcotor erickson said that he thinks since he's been trying to come so soon, that after 36 weeks when i get to stop taking all the medicine to prevent his arrival, he thinks he'll soon make his grand entrance.
31 weeks and potentially have 7 more to go. we'd be inducing at 38 weeks to prevent the baby from distress during contractions, due to lack of space to move. we had to do the same with landon. i feel like we aren't ready for him to come. we have all the stuff left over from landon but we really haven't bought anything new for dylan. we haven't bought a baby book for him, no new clothes, no toys, no nothing. i know that you usually get some of those things at a shower but i don't even know if i'm going to have one. i think everyone, including myself and jordan, were too worried to plan for him to come. a few weeks ago, his chances of survival if he was delivered were less than 30 pecent and now, they are almost 90 percent, with some risk of complications such as breathing, sight, and hearing. i think now that we are in a little bit of a "clear" zone, we can plan (and purchase) more.
speaking of hearing, landon is going in for surgery tomorrow. he is having tubes put in his ears, which i was told is a fairly common procedure. landon has fluid trapped in his middle ear on both sides and it's preventing him from hearing as well as he should and it makes him prone to ear infections. poor kid. yet another thing to deal with. the worst part about the whole thing is the doctor we were going to never mentioned anything about the reoccuring infections or the fact that landon's speech hasn't been totally on par with other children his age. we finally switched doctors and the first visit, they looked at his records and did a test on him and said that we needd to go to a specialsit, an ear nose and throat specialist. the specialist said that he thinks that the tubes are going to help and that we should notice landon's speech improve dramatically and also, we should notice the volume of his voice lower as well. i always just thought landon was a loud kid, but it turns out that landon has a hard time hearing himself and so he doens't realize how loud he is most of the time. so we shall see if this works. i hope that it does because he has already been through so much and it just isn't fair to him. he surprisingly is still a happy kid despite the fact that he is sick a lot. i love his personality (most of the time). he has the best laugh!! you can't help but to smile and laugh along with him. his surgery is really early in the morning so we'll be home recovering the rest of the day and shaking off the anthesia. keep our little guy in your thoughts tomorrow.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

happy father's day

first of all, happy father's day to all the father's i know. it takes a special quality in a man to be a father. any guy can have a child but when they find that "daddy gene" in them, it's amazing. i know some great dads out there; my uncles, my friends, and my own dad. i love my dad. he keeps me very grounded and taught me how to be a decent human being. he taught me manners, how to play soccer, and how to drive. he was a brave man. he has some great qualities and he keeps me laughing. i love him and i'm glad he's my dad.

then there is jordan, my husband. he is an awesome dad. landon and him are the best of friends and they have this special bond. they play together and he lights up. the day landon was born, i saw a change in jordan; he suddenly had this wholeness that i hadn't seen in him before and i knew that i had just marked off one of his things to do in life on the list...have a son. now, as we're awaiting the arrival of dylan (yes, we finally decided that will be his name) i know that it will only expand his love for his family that much more. he is the foundation that keeps us strong and i love him more and more everyday.

i'm glad that dylan has stayed put for the last couple of weeks. i was afraid we were going to be at the hospital today. we've reached 31 weeks this wednesday and it feels like a big relief to be in the third trimester. we still have some things to worry about and with every contraction, especially the big painful ones, i wonder if he's ready to come out. tomorrow, we get to go and see the doctor but we also get to see dylan. we get to a 3d ultrasound, which i'm excited about. i want to see if he is going to look like landon. i want to make sure everything is going okay in there. if i can, i'll upload some pictures afterwards.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

3 years, a one year, and another trip to the hospital

this last week was a busy one for us. to start, let's get the good news out there that jordan's skin cancer test came back negative for melanoma. praying works, i tell ya and i did a ton of it the last two weeks for him. this weekend we had my niece taylor's last minute first birthday party. it wasn't supposed to be last minute but it came together nicely and i think everyone had fun.i can't believe that she is a year old already. they grow up so fast, it is insane! she is becoming her own little person too and it'll be fun to see her and landon grow up together. i know landon did had fun at her party. he liked eating the picnic food, especially the cheetos. it was nice spending time with our friends and family and enjoying the weather here before it becomes too hot to function outdoors.
today is mine and jordan's three year wedding anniversary. you would think that we would spend it doing something fun or romantic but this new baby put the brakes on that early yesterday afternoon. contractions kept coming one after another and after much internal debate, i decided to call the doctor and ask what he thought i should do. so i went into the office today and after meeting with him, he sent me the hospital to be observed for awhile. it's so frustrating because it's a miserable couple of hours spend wearing half a bedsheet, going without food, with no good tv (or bad) tv to watch. after a few hours i was sent home with the same instructions as before. the baby looked fine in the ultrasound and everything else looked okay too. doctor said i just have an "aggrevated" uterus. i wanted to say "prescribe it some paxil and let's get this show on the road for the next 9 weeks without any more of these visits being needed".
anyway, jordan and i have been married now for three years and in august, we'll have been dating 8 years. he is the most amazing man and i am so thankful everyday that i was lucky enough to meet him and have him accept me for who i was. he really is the glue that keeps us all from falling apart at the seams. he was a great boyfriend and is a wonderful husband and the most loving father. one of the things i love most about him is that he is a genuinely good person. he is honest and caring and decent and those qualities are so hard to find these days in anyone. you can count on him for anything. he is my best friend and i'm looking forward to many more years together.
now that summer is officially upon us, we've been spending some time letting landon swim and play in the water. here is a picasa link to some of our first days of summer.


Monday, June 1, 2009

total eclipse of the feet and updates on us

there comes a time in every woman's pregnancy where you took at yourself in the mirror and think "i'm never going to snap back from this". you feel like your body will be a puffed version of its once toned and tight body forever. i looked down and instead of my usual view of my flip lfops, i saw tummy. some women love this journey of pregnancy; getting the pootch, getting the round tummy that complete strangers feel entitled to rub, shopping for marternity clothes, and having that pregnancy glow. i feel like a traitor to my kind because i don't enjoy it. i enjoy feeling him move around, shifting to get comfortable and i love imagaining the day when he'll join our family, but the time in between is not ideal. i don't enjoy the weight gain, the sleepless nights. the waddling, and i really don't enjoy the bedrest aspect. the worst thing about bedrest is how isolated you feel. you're at home all day and even if you're busy with homework or cleaning or watching tv, nothing compares to human interaction. at least my landon is coming home tomorrow!! i have been so sad the last couple of days, the stress of bedrest getting to me. he's going to be home and seeing his smile will fix everything!! my mother in law is coming tomorrow too and she is staying for a few weeks and hallelujah for that!! it will so nice (espcially if the doctor doesn't let me go back to work) to have her here, for me and jordan and landon. he absolutley adores her! i will really need her here depending on what results come back from jordan's test.

for those of you who don't know, jordan has skin cancer and every single mole or spot on his skin is full blown cancer waiting to happen. it's terrifying to think that we could get that bad news at anytime, but luckily, we have a determatologist that is keeping on top of it. jordan was one of the youngest patients to have the Moh's surgery, which was the removal of a basal cell carcinoma from his temple. some tissue and muscle had to be removed at the same time. he's had several other scares but they've been taken care of. last friday, he had a spot that was diagnosed precancer last year. he was supposed to have it removed a long time ago but put it off. he had it removed on friday and us and the doctors are keeping our fingers crossed and praying that it doens't come back melonoma, which can be one of the deadliest forms of cancer because of how fast it can spread. we hopefully will find out the results in the next week or so....hoping for good news and bracing for the bad, just in case. so in case it is bad news, it will make it easier to cope with whatever we need to do if his mom is here.

other than hoping i was able to take off this ever growing fat suit, making a permenant butt dent in the couch and hoping everything will work out for the best with jordan, we're doing alright. we'll be ten times better when bubba comes home tomorrow!! yea!! kathy has been getting him interested in potty training and so that will be our next venture....end of diapers would be fantastic...for now...until this new one comes and we start all over