The Worst Fourth of July....

Jordan and I were spending this Fourth of July with our good friends the Perrys and we were looking back on our worst Fourth from a few years ago and were telling them about it and so I thought I'd bring you all along on memory lane....

Jordan and I went to Tempe Towne Lake for the Fourth of July Festival reluctantly. We didn't really want to go in the first place because it was going to be crowded and hot but I ended up with free tickets. After debating with the roommates on who was going to drive, Jordan got designated as the driver for the four of us going. All went well until we decided to leave early during the firework show to beat the traffic out of Tempe.

So we start heading out of Tempe and are on the Stack, where the freeways overlap/merge and boom! The driver side of the civic tire blows out and we are on the bridge with really nowhere to pull over really. We get as close to the side of the road as we can and pop the trunk for the spare and jack. A  police officer has pulled up to assist us and she is this tiny little officer from Minnesota. So she and Jordan are jacking up the car and we realize that it's the wrong spare...for a totally different car. As we realize this, the Civic falls and the jack punches a hole through the floorboard, nearly crushing the officer. Luckily it didn't. So at this point, the fireworks are over and the bridge is packed with traffic. Our pair of roommates grab a ride with a friend driving by and leave us there to deal with our impaled car. We call a tow truck and while we're waiting, Jordan's nose starts bleeding, or hemorrhaging rather. Bleeding just all over the place. The little officer is trying to help him but it is just gushing out.

Finally the tow truck guy gets through traffic and it takes him almost an hour to hitch the car up and Jordan and I get into the cab with him to take it to the repair place. He was like a sweaty hairy man too, not one you'd want to share an already awkward ride with. He takes us to this place (which is closed because it's like midnight at this point and it will be closed for the weekend/observance of the holiday for like 3 days) on 44th street and Thomas, which if you know Phoenix is not the best place to be stranded at in the middle of the night. He makes us pay him and then he just leaves us there. So Jordan and I go to a Circle K and call our roommates to have them come get us because it's late and we just paid the tow truck guy so we don't want to have to pay for a cab too. They agree to come get us but we have to wait at this shady gas station.

While we're waiting at the gas station, this homeless man comes round and is drunk and belligerent and starts hassling people pumping gas. Then he hones in on this African American man and starts calling him racial slurs and swearing at him. The gas pumping man isn't having it and straight up decks this bum in the face and starts beating him up and yelling at him and then gets in his car and leaves. Jordan and I are just standing there watching it go down and instead of leaving to nurse his wounds under a freeway overpass, he gets up all bloodied and bruised and starts harassing other patrons. We thought someone was gonna get shot for sure while we were there....

Our roommates got there and came to get us and it was like 4am before we got home....so much for 'leaving early" from the Festival.

And that was our worst Fourth and why we haven't been back to Tempe Towne Lake since.

5 years wowsers

yesterday was my 5 year anniversary at USAA. It's by the far the longest time i've spent at any one place and i had to laugh a little because i didn't think i was going to get to this point in my career because something just kept coming up





example #1....surprise! 1 week after starting this job we found out we were having landon. i hadn't even banked a year of tenure and had no FMLA but they let me take 8 weeks after i had him.





example 2,3,4,5 and 6 surgeries, recovery, and follow up appointments





example # 7 oh boy oh boy! mr dylan tried to bail the womb early at 26 weeks and that landed me on a bedrest, not able to come to work for almost 5 whole months





example# 8 mono, landed me at home for two whole weeks





example #9seattle homesickness...everytime we came back from visiting or our family would leave to go back i'd plead with Jordan to let us move back

example #10 landon's ongoing health issues, meeting with every kind of doctor they give a degree too, hospitalizations, and recovery from his surgeries

but despite the obsticles, i've stuck it out and i'm glad to have a company with paid time off, FMLA and health care benefits because without them, we'd all be living in a van down by the river because the medical costs would have put us out of our house and into the poor house for sure.

i'm also glad because they are helping me in my pursuit of my degree...even though it is the longest 4 year degree ever. i'm getting ready to call the guys over at guiness book of world records so they can come photograph me in a stack of overpriced textbooks looking downtrodden. what will i do one i get this degree? i'm not sure, i'm still trying to decide. it will be a major accomplishment for sure. looking foward to it. the end is almost in sight

Lorax Review

Another Dr Seuss creation brought to the big screen with "the Lorax" but this one is not like the others. You might leave the theater feeling full of popcorn and full of guilt about your carbon footprint.


A little background: The Lorax is a creature that speaks for the trees and he appears when there has been an injustice against one of his forest dwellers. The Once-ler is a man on a journey to be successful with his invention, the Thneed. He ventures to a glorious, thriving paradise inhabited by bears, fish, and birds and cuts down one of the trees to harvest the material he needs for his invention. The Lorax appears and makes the Once-ler promise not to cut down anymore trees because of how important they are. the Once-ler's promise quickly goes out the window when his invention becomes the latest need of the people. High demand means more trees need to be cut down and the Once-let becomes blinded by his greed and a "what's the worst that could happen?" attitude and before he knows it, there are no more trees anywhere. The land is barren. Not only are there no trees, but the air and the water have become so polluted from the harvesting and manufacturing that the once beautiful lush place has become unliveable.


Enter the love story that drives the movie. The people of Thneedville live in an entire plastic world. Everything is manufactured and the toxicity of the outside world is in seeping and impacting them. They joke about how their children glow and become radioactive after swimming in their water. The head honcho of Thneedville is O'Hare who made his millions selling fresh air, since the people can't get it naturally. Ted (Zac Efton) wants to get the girl Audrey (Taylor Swfit) and the girl wants a real tree. Ted goes on a journey to find out what happened to the trees, why are they nonexistant?



Enter the agenda. As you listen to the songs and the conversations the Lorax has with the Once-ler, you start to realize that this movie is a message about the environmental slaughter happening now. The movie is entertaining and the characters are lovebale so it's bound to get the thumbs up from younger viewers but it at times feels like a finger wagging at the adults. Big corporations and factories that produce the things that we as consumers think we need are destroying the trees and land that we actually NEED to survive. The agenda hiding (not so secretly) behind the cute bears and the singing fish is that we need to make the changes in the world or else there won't be a world for us to live in. Parents are a little blindsided by the preachy tactics. A little head's up would have been nice so that parent's could decide if they were going to take the message to heart or with a grain of salt. Some people, especially when it comes to their children, don't like getting more than they bargained for in their kid movies.

Enjoy the message, the movie, or skip it and stick to the book. Either will be a positive way for your kids to learn how important our environment truely is, but it will let you do it in your own way.

(This might just be me, but I also noticed some religious parallels. Bears, fish, and birds are the only creatures in the forest the Once-ler settles down in? Seems like a weird, random combination but in this very Eden like place, it makes sense. In the Creation, God placed beasts on the land, foul in the air, and fishes in the streams)

2011 in the Dunn house

Wow! Can't believe we're almost done with 2011. Seems like it goes by faster and faster each year.

If you're a FB follower of mine, you're probably pretty up to speed with what's been going on with us this year. If you aren't a FB follower, you're missing out lol I like to post all the silly things the boys do and say, pictures, and stories all the time. it makes for good reading....especially if i'm doing status updates while under heavy sedation or anethesia after surgery.

We've been blessed (fingers crossed) that for the better part of the year, everyone has been healthy. We're definitely hoping that continues into next year.

Jordan and I had our 5 year anniversary this year and our 10 year "dating" anniversary. Good news is he still likes me after all this time :)

Dylan turned 2 in August. He is the funniest little man. Anytime you call him a baby, he promptly says in his gruffy little voice, "i'm not a baby. i'm a big boy". he is a jokster and he loves to do everything his big brother does. he is such a sweet and loving little boy, but don't let that big smile fool you...he is going through the terrible twos and boy is it terrible at times. he has his mommy's temper which isn't good for anyone who crosses his path. if he didn't know we were irish, you would when you see how mad he gets during his tantrums, but he's learned about time out this year and how to say "sorry".

Landon turned 4 in October. He is still a ball of energy and super smart. he cracks us up with his toddler inteligence and observations of life around him. He is a really good big brother and him and Dylan are the best of buddies and partners in crime. Throw their cousin Taylor in the mix and they are a pack of wild ones, but tons of fun. He is going in for a sleep study next week (finally) to see if we can pinpoint the reason that he still doesn't sleep at night. Wish us luck with that!!

Now that the boys are a little older, and we have two boys, we get the question a lot "when are you going to try for a girl?" After talking about it, I think we decided that it will be next year sometime but aren't sure when. We have some wonderful couples we know and family members that would like a baby and we're waiting for one of them to go first since we're ahead of the pack. So any of you on the baby path, feel free to lead the way; we'll be trailing, supporting you in anyway we can.

We got to have some amazing adventures this year. We went to Seattle and Canada, San Diego, and Hawaii!! We got to go through the Mesa Temple with our boys which was incredible. We got to spend some good quality time with our family which is the greatest thing.

As we come to the end of the year, we want to wish everyone a safe, happy, healthy New Year and a very Merry Christmas. We are so fortunate and lucky to have the people we do in our lives and we wish the very best for you all in 2012. Lots and lots of love, Nickey, Jordan, Landon, and Dylan

2011 update

So a friend of mine pointed out how terrible I've been about updating my blog and she's right. Let's see what's been happening with us this year so far, now that we're half way through.

The first part of the year was actually pretty rough for me. I didn't start off too well. I had a very scary encounter in a parking lot with a strange man who tried to abduct me by pulling me into his vehicle. Thank heavens for an innocent passerby who scared the assailant away just as he was on the verge of wearing me down in our struggle and getting me into his car. As of today, still no word from the police. He got away. I just hope that he doesn't succeed with some other poor girl. I'm fine physically. I just won't be visiting a particular post office ever again and now I walk around with mace in my purse.

Then a week later, I got really really sick and got to take a lovely trip to John C Lincoln. I had to wait for 4 1/2 hours to be seen. I had a pretty serious lung infection and then got costochondritis, which is fluid build up around the heart. That was horrible; I felt like I was having a heart attack. It took me a week or two to get better.

Then in March, I had to go in for surgery yet again. I had to have my right ovary out. The doctor said it was problematic.

April was great! We have a lot of birthdays to celebrate in April, and Easter. So it gave us some time to spend with friends and family. For my birthday, Jordan planned a really great day for us. We went and got a couple's massage and had lunch. We got to enjoy mild weather before it got too too hot here in Phoenix. We had both the USAA company picnic at Castles and Coasters and the ECare family BBQ. Both were really fun. Pictures can be seen of all our fun on either Facebook or our Picasa account https://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10

May brought really warm weather and....wait for it....yet another surgery for me. This time, the cyst was on my left ovary and it grew to be the size of a tennis ball almost. The doctors tried to shrink it with medicine but it made it angry I guess so it got bigger instead. I also found out that I have minor kidney reflux. This time, the recovery was rough. I had to, of course, stay at the hospital even though it was scheduled outpatient. I try to tell them that doesn't work out for me but they didn't listen and had to admit me after surgery because my kidneys and bladder went to sleep and wouldn't wake up. It was pretty awful. It was painful and the doctor didn't know why I was getting cysts still, since they had never been on the left side. I go see a specialist this week and hopefully he can get some answers for me...other then taking everything out or getting pregnant. My doctor is funny. He said "you know, if you were in a state of pregnancy, those cysts wouldn't populate. You could try for a little girl"...pushing his agenda..I laughed. Jordan and I are 50 50 on having anymore anyway...we aren't against it but we aren't pursuing it at this time.

Things got better in June though. My mother in law came to visit for my niece's birthday. We were all so happy to have her here. We all got to go to Washington. We went to my brother in law Nick's graduation and were so proud to watch him graduate from high school. We got to spend time with friends and family and got some much needed time to relax and for me to recover. Jordan and I had our 5 year wedding anniversary and got to get a night away in Vancouver BC. It was the Stanley Cup playoffs so the city was crazy! We went and drove through Stanley Park and then went on a hike through Lynn Canyon Park to the waterfall and suspension bridge. It was scary but I sucked it up and walked across the bridge. Jordan got to go to Eastern WA and spend time with his best friend Paul and I got to go have ladies's night and play Bingo, which was so much fun. We got to meet up with the Francis family which we love to do when we are there. They crack us up! We got to take our kids to Mulkiteo Beach and let the kids play in the sand and the water and then get some Ivars for lunch. We got to do some fun stuff with the kids too. Landon got to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 with his Aunties and he was so excited!We went to Point Defiance Zoo. We got to take the kids on a tour of the Seattle Center, with the fountain, the science center and Pike Place. My friend Tim and his family opened up Absolute Airpark, which is an indoor trampoline park and it was amazing. It was so much fun, and a really good work out too. They just opened so anyone that is looking for a great time, they are located in Arlington off 67th and it's such a great deal for fun with groups, kids, aerobics, or date night. Jordan and I got to go to our friend's wedding. Nick was Jordan's college roommate and we were so happy to be there for him and Kira on their big day. It was a busy time but so much fun.

The thing I loved about it the most was seeing how happy my kids were. They loved it there. They loved being close to family and playing with Sammi, Ryan, Rush, and Gracie. They loved being outdoors. The rain didn't bother them at all when it did rain. There is so much to do there; parks, beaches, rivers, hiking, lakes, zoos, museums, family dinners, adventures for them. I felt guilty taking them away from it all. I usually get a little "homesick" when I leave there but this time, it was a very sad goodbye. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that we were really were supposed to be there; close to the people there that love us. Arizona has it's advantages too but there is just something different about being there...I miss it terribly and know the boys do too.

Going forward into the summer, the heat has officially kicked in. It was 110 today. Ick. Landon came outside with me and he said "it's so hot, it hurts my eyes. the sun is mean to me." I'm not looking forward to 4 more months of this.

As far as the boys go, they have been the opposite of me health wise..they are doing great. Seems that we trade off that way..when they are fine, I'm a mess and vice versa. Landon is going to be 4 in October. He's doing really well after he had surgery at the beginning of this year to remove his tonsils and adenoids. He is talking a lot better and asks and says the funniest things. He is potty trained finally!!! He barely ever has accidents. Dylan is doing great too. He will be 2 in August and he is starting to talk so much. He has the funniest little personality and can be very sweet but oh boy, does he have a temper on him. The boys really starting thriving once we took them out of public daycare and moved them towards the end of the year last year to in-home daycare. The women that have been caring for them are so wonderful. They love my boys and make sure that they are learning and safe and having fun. They haven't barely been sick and aren't coming home with bite marks anymore, thank goodness. Jordan is doing okay too. He is still liking his job change in IT with Cox. Basketball season was a little disappointing for us this year, since the Suns didn't make the playoffs but the Mavs and Heat gave us some good games to watch. At the moment, we are watching the US and Mexico in the Gold Cup (soccer). Soon we're gonna put Landon in soccer and he can't wait.

I'm going to try and be better about updates so check back soon.

hot pockets...

Last night Jordan and I got to go see Jim Gaffigan at the Comerica (previously dodge) theater.

I was excited to see Gaffigan live because I had been following him as a comic even before he had Comedy Central Specials or Cd's. His timing and delivery are classic.

This was a show with all new material, which is probably why the security told everyone at the door " no pictures or video, not even on your cell phone". There was one opening act by a comic named Jordan Rubin. He had an interesting style. He would pause in between his jokes to make it seem like he forgot what he was going to say and it would make the next punchline seem random, but it all came together. He had a good joke that hit well with the audience about the rapper Mystikal. He did a good job of warming up the crowd for Gaffigan.

Gaffigan's act did not disappoint for the long time fans and roped in new fans. The main focus of his act was about working out (or lack there of), the gym, the glory and disgust of McDonald's, the facade that is Subway, hotel living and hotel indoor pools, and whales. It seems like a far leap from talking about the creepy guy who stares at the women on the hip abductor machines to whale blubber but it flowed seamlessly. The show kept the audience engaged and laughing in hysterics. It was a well timed show, lasting about an hour and half. Gaffigan left the stage and the audience cheered for an encore and without disappointment, he came out and gave the crowd what they wanted to hear....the hot pockets skit. He added new some material to the older, adored jokes about the microwave favorite. He even threw in a shout out to bacon, which was a big focus in his last special "King Baby"; it was subtle but it got a big reaction.

As a long time fan, I loved his new stuff. Jordan made a good observation about how, for the most part, his act is pretty clean as far as comics nowadays goes. Even though it isn't packed full of swear words and filth, his jokes are relatable and hilarious. I'll watch this special over and over again when it comes out on cable.

as we get ready for the holidays....

i can't believe that it is almost the end of the year already. thanksgiving is nearly here which means that the "holiday rush" will be quickly upon us. looking back on the year, it has been a very crazy year for us. work, jordan changing jobs, me having surgery twice this year, a camera crew in our house, dylan turning one, landon turning three, and most recently landon's surgery.....breathe....

almost all a blur of chaos.

thinking about all, it really puts some overly consumed, commercially brainwashed yuletide shoppers into perspective. this year, i really find myself a little peeved at the fact that christmas is being shoved down our throats, starting the week of halloween. i used to remember how there was a building of anticipation about christmas. as turkey day came to close with full tummies and football, your mind started to wonder, thinking about picking out a tree and decorating the house. the black friday shoppers would get up, fuel themselves with starbucks and pepsi and the rest of us would be enjoying a leisurely three day weekend (if we were lucky to have friday off). then the christmas season began; holiday parties, ugly sweaters making their way out of the very back of the closet, lists were created for Santa.....it used to be a month long production. as the days windled down, the house would smell like pine and apples and cinnamon and the kids would be on th every beset behavior so as not to blow their chance at getting gifts at the last minute. family traditions would take place. pajamas and cookies christmas eve, opening just one present to tide you over til morning., parents up all night wrapping gifts, enjoying the silence......then it was here.....joy, prayers, blessings, breakfast, presents, love, food...it was all intertwined and it was something to be cherished.

maybe it is the current state of the economy that is making such a push in the red and green direction...retailers desperate to make those end of year goals....but the commercial part of christmas is really being over commercialized to the point of being obnoxious. the lists have already been drawn up, the shopping has already began and in some cases ended, people have already began to stress about the crowds, the lines, the lack of supply for demand.....i might sound a

little beyond my years but i miss the slower simpler times.

this year, for us, it will be about much more than gift cards and presents. we are going to make it about family, about spirit, appreciating the real reason we get this holiday to begin with, the gift and that was given to the world. that will be my job this year....not running around like a mad person off their meds looking for the toy that sold out a month ago...but instilling these important values in my kids.

happy start to the holidays all! may it be a safe and merry one for you

get a life...

with the intense topic and subject matter of the show, people are bound to form some opions. everyone is entitled to what they think and can say..but some people should keep their mouths shut and their hands off their keyboards.
some of the message boards and the articles are portraying women and men with eating disorders as attention starved head cases that should just shove a hamburger down their throat and get it over with. well i took it upon myself to stick it to a guy that, really, had no place posting what he did.

"nickcini, Bravo for managing to spit such hate about people you've never met and spell 50% of it correctly. People suffering from (your spelling) anerexia and other very serious disorders are more complex than you make us out to be. If you took all the energy you spent seeking out a website about people with eating disorders, watching a youtube clip, searching for the show's website, and then making some uneducated responses in a message forum, odds are you wouldn't be the one desperatly seeking some attention and instead, contributing something productive to society. My guess is that you are somehow suffering from your own form a disease that you don't understand because you are two busy pointing fingers at others. Don't talk about adding fuel to a fire with this kind of show when you are the one openly offering your judgemental opinions; those are the kindling to the flames. These women and men are brave, courageous and deep...they are troubled, suffering, and some really want the help...and who are you to say that they aren't really sick? My recommendation to you is that before you begin dabbling in physiological illness, behaviors, and treatments, you check your immaturity at the door or no one will take you seriously, not that many will with your childish name calling and bullying..I also recommend spell check"

as most of you might know.....

....our family was participating in a documentary series with the E channel about the treatment of eating disorders. If you didn't know, I am trying to recover from a long spanning intertwined combination of OCD, annorexia and body dismorphia. I did the show so people could really identify and come to terms with their own struggles, try to help someone get help for themselves.

If anyone has any questions for me about anything....me, eating disorders in general, what the show is about, anything...please ask. that is the point.

As for me, it's a work in progress. some days are easy and some are so difficult that I can't imagine at 6am how I'll make it through the day without breaking down and crawling into bed until the next morning. I have a great family, and a great group of friends, and a doctor and dietician that are skilled in their specialties and so we shall see what the future holds...hopefully this will all be a sad afterthought years from now because i'll be too happy being normal and enjoying life as it was meant to be cherished.

you think that its gonna be just another day when you get to work and sit at your desk to take calls and the you hear that a friend of yours won't be coming in to work..ever again. My friend mary died last night from a self inflicted gunshot wound..and just like that, a piece of this worl was gone. She was the sweetest, funniest person with a huge heart and a smile that would light up the room and as a team mate, she made the days a little bit better just talking with her. I saw her this week and we stopped and had a short conversation between calls and and bathroom trips and she made me smile and laugh and then we were on our way....and that short conversation about how busy it was and how the calls never stop was the last time we were going to chit chat. I was trying at work this morning after I heard to stay calm and strong and not let on..until I got up to go to the bathroom and walked right by her empty desk..and it was truly empy..she wouldn't be coming in to put her sweatshirt on and her headset. It was all just there....waiting for her. 
I always had heard that people who commit suicide prepare...give things away, clean up, tie up loose ends..this desk was unfinsihed business and left no indication that she was not returning to it. 
it was so unexpected...
as someone who once tried and thought about suicide in my youthful days, when I didn't and couldn't see the value of life, I shutter now to think what I would have missed had I been successful. I saw the hurting in peoples faces today and saw them wipe their tears and I would hate to think I had caused such a deep rooted pain in someone...your heart actually hurts.I can only imagine how her family must feel because I have the pleasure of knowing some of her friends and they have an abundance of love and they are suffering the loss...her family must be too at such an incredible level..  I said a prayer for mary and her family and friends and I hope heavenly father hears it and grants us comfort and one day, we'll understand why that day..at that moment she felt she had to leave. I hope mary has some peace now and surrounded with love and receives the love lofting from the earth.

dylan's 9 months old

my little tank is 9 months old today. it's hard to believe. he's old as the time it took to make him and he's so different than that little boy i met that first day.
although is pretty relaxed and chill most of the time, he is also the squirmiest baby ever! it is impossible to change him or change his clothes or get him to lay flat on his back for more than a second. he's hard to hold because he moves so much..plus, he's kind of heavy. we went to his 9 mth check up and he weighs 18.2 pounds, down a little from last time because he is more active now.
he crawls really fast and he pulls himseld up to stand. a couple days ago he figured out that standing leads to walking when he's holding onto something. landon walked at 10 months so i won't be surprised if he starts taking off pretty soon.
he still doesn't sleep all the way through the night and that is still really rough...on me..it doesn't seem to bother him.
he has the best laugh!! it's like a squeaky toy, just like how landon's used to be. he laughs a lot and mostly at landon..his brother tries to make him smile all of the time, well, most of the time.
his allergies are still a big problem and he breaks out in rashes, hives, runny noses and we are trying to keep in managed well but sometimes, nothing helps except taking him inside and giving him a breathing treatment and some zyrtec. poor baby.
he babbles and says 'mummum' and 'dada' and 'bubba' which is adorable and hard to resist picking him up when he's tugging on your leg. he loved having our family come to visit over the last couple of months and really loves his uncle kyle, just like his brother.

speaking of...

landon has been a handful lately. as he gets to the three year old mark he is getting more and more verbal and that is so fantastic considering his delay and hearing problems but at the same time, he says the things you don't want to hear...."no" and different variations of "no". it's so frustrating. he says "no" even to the things he does want sometimes. he is so curious and adventurous and it leads to lots of bumps and bruises. as for his health, he seems to be improving. we stopped taking him to all the doctors, took him off all the medicine and have making sure he gets some sleep, eats well, and gets lots of healthy exercise. even though he makes me crazy, he is the light of my life! he says "i love you. i missed you" and all the things that melt your heart. he loves to say prayers and is really good at reminding us to say them at dinner and breakfast. he is really athletic and is getting better with his coordination. i can't wait for him to be able to play organized sports!! it's gonna be awesome!

these boys...they are so much work and they take some much out of me but they give me so much at the same time...how this is possible, i don't know and i probably never will know. maybe we have some kind of solar rechargeable mom battery implanted in our bodies somewhere....it sure isn't sleep or laundry that keep us going so that must be some explaination.

so long 25

there is always that one person around your birthday that asks that same question, and i dread it every year......."so are you where you thought you'd be at 26?" i always wonder at what age this expectation was set at....am i where i thought i'd be at 26 when i was 10? 15? 25? so vague. the answer in the broad sense of the word is yes and no.

when i was seven, all i wanted to be when i grew up was a mommy...accomplished.

when i was age 8-25 all i wanted to be was a writer.....failed...i have all of these things that i have written and they are sitting around, collecting dust, benefiting no one. i always thought by now i'd be a moderatly successful writer, by which i mean that someone else than my mom owned a copy of something i'd wrote. bless her though that if i did and it made it to barnes and noble, she'd buy like 10 copies and have me sign them all. i never anticpated to become some famous writer, that people discussed in small book clubs over cucumber sandwiches but a mere positive review in a regional newspaper somewhere would have sufficed. i wish so badly that this could be something i could full time on....tracking down publishers, illustrators, and getting carpal tunnel syndrome from typing all day...sigh..i guess this is a new year.

when i was 22, i wanted to be wedding gown skinny my whole life..failed as a result of previously mentioned motherhood...i'll admit that for my age and for having two kids so close together the damage could have been worse but the damage has certainly been done

my whole life i wanted to be married...accomplished...one of the best things about my life

when i was 16 i said one day i'd find religion...accomplished...bringing great joy and blessings to our life right now

when i was 4 i said i wanted to be princess...failed...i am neither girly enough to be a princess or fictional

when i was 13 i swore i'd keep the best of my friends close my whole life...accomplished with shades of gray...i love and adore the ones i have and trying to make things better with the friends i had or am gaining

when i was 18 i said i'd get a college degree....failed, sort of...still in the works....longest associate's degree attempt ever

in all this reflection i realize that where i am is where i am and the age associated with it is going to change every year. all i can do is set the smaller goals..so next year, when that person asks me again, i'll say, "when i was 26, i said next year i'll be 27 and the rest is already in the past..all i can do is try and ask me when i'm 28"

TMI maybe but....

...the dunn baby making factory, which was taken over by new management i.e. big huge, precancerous masses, has been shut down for the season.

After the surgery, I had a follow up visit with my doctor and he said that...and this is the part where it might be TMI but several people have asked me about it soo.......my ovaries aren't functioning like they should be. the normal egg follicle that populates every 28 days or so is instead growing into a huge cyst, which becomes a mass after 3 cm and it's extremely painful. during the surgery, 4 of them were removed. At my two week visit, I was already stricken by another one about 3cm in size...can't get a break!

What the doctor is doing is shutting down the egg production, letting everything settle and quiet down for awhile and then in 6 months or so, we'll kick start them up again. the hope is that they will react normally. here's hoping! if it doesn't work and it causes more problems, constant surgeries or trips to the ER, than they will have to come out entirely.

I was really sad when I heard the news and relieved at the same time...at least it wasn't the worse possible news...cancer or something terrible like that .... but it's upsetting to know that things aren't working properly and that my body turned on itself. I think it likes to be at the hospital....all that cleanliness and hypoallergenic everything and the good cubed ice...but i hate it. so for now, we're going to "wait and see" which is quickly becoming the catch phrase for everything in my life right now.

I was kidding around with my friend kami and told her "i'll be back just in time for the next baby"..meaning that dylan will be a year old by than which is when some people start wanting another baby...i was kidding, kind of...we're going to see what type of new toddler disposition dylan has first, and we're waiting to see if landon will ever learn how to use a quiet voice and that he doesn't have to run everywhere.

it's been awhile...

goodness...it has been quite some time since my last blog..i didn't realize it..i've been updating our "status" and giving information on my facebook page but it's just snippets of what's going on with us.

where to begin?

well, we'll start with our ever growing frustration with landon's medical condition. after a second bronchoscopy at the children's hospital, they discovered that this wait and see approach they have been taking has been just that..a waiting game with no result. landon has a congenital form of the defect which after two years of poking, proding, doctor after doctor they are just now figuring out. the treatment plan of action....shocking...wait and see...the doctors think that landon will eventually outgrow it as his trachea gets more mature. for the meantime, landon will continue to struggle with his breathing, keep getting sick, and continue to br treated different than all the other kids...especially at daycare.. the parents are always on high alert for the corprut for the latest strain of whatever is going on..they hear landon's barky cough, maybe see him choke or throw up (not acutal vomit, contents of his stomach but fluid all the same) and the jump to their own conculsions..for awhile there, landon kept being accused of carrying the pandemic swine flu..oh brother...that was a fun few weeks. in other regards, landon is doing well. he is starting to talk a lot and sometimes, it's a good thing and other times..we kind of wish he still didn't talk. he hasn't mastered the concept of being subtle about his asking for things..he will ask you for juice 50 times in a row, no exaggeration. he is starting to have an interest in potty trainging which we are excited about. he has had some successes and it's a work in progress. he is sleeping in his own big boy bed now and does well most of the time..every once in awhile he ends up in our bed in the middle of the night.

dylan is a happy tank of a little boy. he is so delightful and such a wonderful addition to our little family. he is starting to be really expressive and he has the best little laugh. he still isn't sleeping through the night which is frustrating but it is because he was so congested at night. i have a theory that he is suffering from allergies....we've been trying to mimimalize his exposure to the dogs and cat and that has been helping, with small doses of benadryl when he really needs it...when i presented my information to the doctor, he said, "you made a compelling case"...i didn't realize i needed to take that approach to my child's healthcare in order to be listened to but in our experiences with the healthcare field, i guess the best thing for a parent to do is become educated and then present the best case for treatment...anyway..dylan is rolling over and trying to crawl, it's more like bodysurfing...he can sit for a little bit unsupported and he plays with toys. we are starting solid foods but he is a big fan of his bottle.

jordan has been doing well. right now, he is designing the map for our backyard as we venture into landscaping it. this will be the first house we've actually wanted to put in the time and effort and funds into doing....landon needs a yard...he is a liked a caged animal in the house all day; if he doesn't get out at least for a walk then he goes crazy. jordan is so smart..he has basically done the job of a landscape designer, with all the software and measurements...saved us a bunch i'm sure..work has been good for him and we're so thankful that in this economy he hasn't had to worry about losing his job. we just had his 28th birthday this month and it was a lot of fun. i planned a surprise party for him and all of his closest friends came and it was nice to see everyone. we got to see cara who lives close to us again but we hadn't seen yet and mark even drove in from california..it was awesome and he was really happy. we're looking forward to jordan's parents and sisters coming to visit..we can't wait!!

as for me, a lot has been happening. when i'm not racing from doctor's office to office with the boys, i'm having some medical issues myself...again! a pain began to develop in my abdomen and it wasn't going away, it just kept getting worse. finally, it got so intense that i couldn't take it anymore and went to the ER. they did a CAT scan and found a golf ball sized mass in my abdomen...great..at this point in time, we are waiting to find out what it is, if it will go away or if i need to have surgery again..the wait is killing me.. the pain was supposed to be subsiding with some medicine they gave me but it is actually getting worse. i fear that instead of improving, it's growing or even spreading..i tend to terrify myself by anticipating the worst possible scenario..at this point, i'm concerned that the surgery may require the extraction of other organs like my gallbladder or an ovary or my whole reproductive system, and as always, it is scary when your symptoms match up with signs for ovarian cancer...i'll just have to wait and see..i go to the doctor again on wednesday (if i don't end up in the ER again before that). the pain, little sleep, and my full time work schedule are really taking a toll on me...i'm trying to find some internal strength..which leads me into my next big development..

all my life, i was looking up, looking for a sign that there was someone up there, bigger than me, watching over me....i wasn't rasied in a religious home, we didn't go to church but i always had this faith..that i knew one day it was going to make sense and i would feel a void being filled..recently (after deliberation, debate, and some down right refusal at points in time) i've been meeting with the missionaries with the LDS church...jordan was raised in the church and for the last few years, i've been what they call a dry mormon (not baptized) in that we live the standards for the most part and go to church sometimes and have had our children blessed. jordan was inactive for the better part of a decade and when i told him that i wanted to take the discussions, i was delighted to hear that he wanted to sit in and take them with me..a refreshed course for him and although i knew a lot about the church, there was so much more to find out. we've been attending church on sundays, visiting with the missionaries and also meeting other families in our ward and our neighborhood...it was been an amazing sense of belonging for us...one of the best things is that everyone has kids our kids ages and they have lots of kids to play with and we don't ever feel like we have to make an excuse for them because no one seems them as an disruption...they just talk right over them and pretend that they aren't being loud or rude. a lot of quesitons have been answered for me and we've been really happy because we feel a lot closer together. there are some sad points in this trip though...realizing that the things i did and knew were wrong anyway are still weighing on me, that i have hurts that haven't been comforted yet and that there are people in our life that mean so much to us that we want to help and reach out to and know that we can't or it isn't the right time...i told my mom that i was thinking of joining the church which was huge for me because there was a lot of mumblings and grumblings from my extended family when they heard i was marrying a morman..she was so surprising in her understanding and supportivness....i really was nervous abouyt bringing it up to her and i'm so glad that she was receptive..she did have some questions which i answered to the best of my ability but i love her for being there for me always, no matter what...i told my dad (which i was even more nervous about) and he said that he would still love me but is wanting to have a more serious discussion than text messaging would allow for, which i can understand.
we've just been so thankful for so the chance to meet so many wonderful families and also to realize that we already had so many great examples in our life already in our friends the perrys, burninghams, and francis' and of course, my in laws. it's still a work in progress (as is a lot in our life right now) but it is a joyful work...

so that is pretty much our news for the first part of the new year...i'll try and be better about updating this thing..as i type, dylan is pounding away at the jeyboard and landon is running amuck in the bedroom. there is not a lot of time for leisurly writing but i'll try and sneak away more frequently..

very busy christmas week

hello there! it's been awhile since my last post and it has been a week or so since i've been online..surprising, but we were so busy. the week before last kicked off the craziness.

landon went in for his second bronchoscopy. the doctors are still trying to figure out what is wrong with his breathing. they also did some other blood work while he was sedated. the results came back and said that landon is still aspirating into his lungs and he had an infection in his airways. they said just to keep waiting to it out to see if he'll grow out of it and to avoid him taking in lots of water ie submered in water or else he could drown with the all the fluid in his lungs...guess swim lessons are out for the time being.

on wednesday, jordan and i went to dinner with his boss and some people he worked with and it was an adult dinner...no kids. some friends we have babysat for us (gasp!)....in landon's two years of life it was the first time someone other than family had watched him. he did great though, there were lots of people there to entertain him. we also went to dinner with the perrys and the burninghams and all six of our kids in tow...it was interesting but not as bad as we probably all anticipated...they are getting older now and keep each other company, at least for a little bit.

dylan had his four month check up. he's in the 75th percentile for height and weight lol which is funny to us because landon never went through the chumky baby phase, but dylan is a tank of a kid. we have to take him to the ear nose and throat specialist (same ones that put landon's tubes in his ears) because they think dyl might have a deviated spetum or a collapsed nasal passage; he's always stuffy and his nose runs and he snorts a lot, sounds like a warthog....a cute warthog.

we had our version of christmas here before we left and it was nice...we didn't go too overboard with spending this year because we're saving up to landscape our backyard still .

then we braved taking both kids on the airplane to washington for christmas. with checked baggage as much as it costs, we were worried about how we were going to get stuff for 4 people for 8 days on the plane with us.....enter Space bags!! we packed all four of us in one suitcase and still made it under the 50 lb limit, just barely though. the boys did okay on the plane...it is difficult to keep landon contained to such a small space for any prolonged period of time. surprising enough, we werent' the mess you expect with two kids and two carry one items each. we made it through security, shoes and jackets off and all, in less time and with less hassle than most single travelers.

we got to washington and it was freezing! it was really cold but as soon as we got outside, you just breathed in evergreen trees and it feels like home again.

the first night we were there we went to a baptism for a friend of ours who has been a pseudo member of the church for a long time but finally took the plunge...pun intended. he had so many people there to bare witness to his committment, i told him he had the super bowlf of baptisms. it was really inspiring to watch; all those people having so much love and acceptance of his new life. you could really see it in his face too that he was changed instantly.

the next morning we went to church and dylan had his baby blessing; he slept through it but it was a beautiful blessing given by his grandpa dave. he gave dylan a blessing that he would be happy and healthy and strong throughout his life with strong faith....it moved us, just like when he did landons. it was the christmas prgram which is my favorite because i know all the songs and they are the perfect belnd of spirit, both in God and in the christmas sense which i guess is the more commercial sense of the word.

i got to go spend a little bit of time with my brother mikey and he got to see his nephews (meeting dylan for the first time). we did some christmas shopping and spent most of the rest of the day just hanging out, playing board games with the family and eating all the things you are expected to eat at christmas time but the kinds of foods your diet doesn't allow for....oh well....all in moderation which i did a good job with....no extra pounds gained..

i also got to see my very best friends tim and suzi!! they are the best kinds of friends because even though we go years sometimes before we see each other, we pick up right where we left off. we talk like we just saw each other the day before. i love them. i also got to see my friend nolan who had been serving in the armed forces, just got back from quatar and was back in town. he and i go way back and have been friends a long time and i'm glad he made it home safe and unharmed. we all had a good time and i hated not being able to see them more but when you want more time, it seems like it's always speeding away from you..

jordan and i got to spend a night together in seattle. we stayed at the edgewater hotel which is a rustic/modern hotel, makes you feel like you're in a ski lodge in the city, i loved it. we drive down with nayt and jaimie who were celebrating two years of marriage. they were a lot of fun to hang out with. we all went to dinner and the next day, we spent a good part of the day walking around pike place. we bought doughnuts that were the size of someone's head, we had fresh fruit that was delicious, we went to the first starbucks which i always wanted to do and we ate at this local cheese place for lunch. i got to do two things that i havne't been able to do in a long time.....take an uniterrupted nap AND and uninterrupted shower...it was divine!!

that night, we took the kids to the bellevue botanical gardens to see the light display they had there. landon wasn' in the best of moods but we made the best of it. it was insane the things they can do and make with christmas lights, i was really impressed... and i liked that it was free..most light displays were charging 10$ a person..no thank you..

on christmas eve, we had our christmas dinner with the whole family. kathy made chicken cord en blue (pardon the spelling) and lots of other yummy food and we ate until we were going to explode and then we played some more board games. p.s. i am awesome at apples to apples, just in case anyone wants to play against me....example. word was "innocent", i won with the card played of "adolf hitler".

the next morning was christmas!! we all opened gifts, exchanged thank yous, even landon said his. he suddenly has hit a language boom and will voice his wants and needs most of the time and copies what you say. i slept a good a good part of the day away after not sleeping at all the night before and then we just hung out the rest of the day.

on saturday we went to our friends mark and anne's house to have dinner and so landon could hang out with their daughter, the lovely and adorable miss gracie.they went back and forth from getting along to arguing to fighting to chillin on the couch....and only one head on collision that left them both in tears momentarily. mark and anne are always a source of entertainment for us and it's so easy to hang out with them because there are very few topics that are off limits or don't end up to be hilarious. last night, we spent our time packing. we had to leave the house at 330am to catch a 515 flight....ugh....we did it that way to avoid a layover.

we drug ourselves and our sleepy little ones through security and onto the plane for the 2 hr and 45 mins flight home. dylan slept almost the entire time, jordan and i kept drifting off and landon stayed quiet most of the time since brought the zune with us, loaded with kid movies...it's a handheld wonder!

today, we upacked, bathed the kids, showered, cleaned, went and finally bought landon's bed for his big boy room and put it all together. it was a very productive day (so far) considering that we only got maybe two hours of sleep. now we're home and it's bittersweet...both in that we are awar again from our family and we're back to our regular routine in the morning.

we had so much fun this trip and it is so awesome to see how close landon and his grandparents and uncles and aunts all are. dylan just loved and cuddled everyone and landon is getting to the age where he really can express how much he loves you and it just broke my heart when we left this morning and he looked back and at grandma and grandpa getting in the car to leave...the look on his face was so sad....but i know that we are going to see them again soon and he'll be even more excited, and so will we!

here is a link for pictures from our trip

www.picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10

my little boy is two today......

landon turned two today...it is a bittersweet feeling..maybe even more so than when he turned one. at one, he was still kind of a baby and now, he is becoming more and more of a big boy. we bought him a big boy bed for his birthday and soon, we will be embarking on the joyous event of pottytraining. looking at him, i can still his round little baby face with the perfectly chubby cheeks. those big blues eyes still steal my heart. i'm so blessed (most of the time, he is a toddler afterall) to have him. he makes us laugh all the time. for instance, today at the doctor, we were waiting to be seen by the nurse and he in his diaper. he got down in a bear crawl position and was doing this weird, interpretive dance kind of thing..i was in tears it was so funny. he makes us very proud of him as he learns and grows in his life. he is becoming a well rounded athlete, liking all sports. he loves to go watch his uncle kyle play softball...it's adorable. he jumps up and down and claps and cheers for him. he loves soccer and for his birthday, we got him a nerf football which he can catch pretty well and throw also. there are so many things i love about my little bubba....even when he is trying my patience and driving jordan nuts, it doesn't take much for him to win us over, a little bubba-chatter, a wide huge smile, and hug accompanied by a his "aww" sound of affection. the cutest thing is when he is being a big brother. i felt really guilty in the begining, having another baby. i felt like landon wouldn't understand or accept another child in the house. he has been great. he likes to feed dylan and hug him and he get upset if he thinks we are all going to the car without him. i almost cried the other day when i saw him sitting dy dylan's swing and patting him on the tummy because the baby was crying. dylan loves his brother. he laughs and smiles at him all the time. landon is still trying to figure things out about the world.....like candy is supposed to be a treat and not a diet staple; that steps aren't the only things to climb, that shots hurt, that a hug from daddy usually makes it all better and mommy makes the ouchies go away, that grandparents live far away and it is the best thing to spend time together with family, that a doggy doesn't like his tail pulled, that doors can lock behind you, that big boys use the big potty, balls aren't the only things you can throw, bathtime does equal playtime, and that you get places sooner when you run really fast.

so to you (landon, lando, landy pants, mr bubba, bubbas, bunkin, bucket) we love you! we love your blue eyes, your belly laugh when you're being tickled, your "boston" accent, your faux hawk, your inability to walk anywhere and how fast you are, your tip toe walk, your excity boy, your gibberish, your bedtime hugs and kisses for everyone, your desire to drink from the big cup with the straw, your dipping sauce addiction, your soccer ball kicking, your mean mugging, your kung fu master karate skills, your "ah man!", your chocolate milk obession, your binky addiction, your three blankies at all times, your cuddles, your not talking on the phone when someone is talking to you, your animal noises, your ears, big brother protectiveness, and everything else that makes you!!!!

mommy duty

the day came...the day to go back to work. it hadn't really hit me until today. i was at work and jordan sent me a text asking me if landon had eaten breakfast. i replied with a snapshot of his day; carnation instant breakfast and mickey mouse clubhouse, breakfast about an hour later, nap around noon, lunch, then an afternoon snack about 4. it made me sad; having to run down the details of my child's day instead of being there.....the guilt only intensified when a text came later in the morning that landon was throwing up (which he never does) and had a fever. i've been beating myself up all day long because i can't be there with him, to cuddle and comfort him. we had so much time together that now, when i leave, i can't imagine what i'll do without him for 8 hours....add to that my little guy dylan. seeing them and jordan at the end of the day is what fuels me and keeps me going the rest of the day. after being home so long on bedrest and maternity leave, i will scream it from the rooftop that being a full time mom is the hardest full time job ever! being an insurance agent is nothng comapred to being a mom from sun up to sun down...now, i'm a mom and wife for a few hours in the morning, an insurance agent all day, a mom and wife at night...not to mention the times i'm a mover, a maid, a laundress, and all the other hats i wear during the day. mommy duty is hard work!!
now, i will leave my desk at work and go home to a little boy who has the flu, a little boy who is learning to smile (steals your heart) and a husband who has had a rough day dealing with everything else on top of trying to get some work done!! bless him!!

updates...

the past two weeks have been eventful for us here in the dunn household. we brought our new beautiful baby boy home from the hospital and spent the first few days getting adjusted to life with two kids. we kept landon on his schedule which helped; he was still expected to go to bed around the same time as usual and take his afternoon nap and he still got his carnation breakfast in the morning. dylan blessed us the first few days with long periods of sleep during the night. i only had to get once during the night to feed him. he is a milk monster!! he ates a lot and often and luckily, breastfeeding is going a lot better than it did with landon. i found out though that i am not the type that can feed in public when i was in the waiting room at the doctor's office with dylan. the woman next to me just dropped her shirt down and latched the kid on and then covered up. i thought you were supposed to cover up first but she had no reservations. not for me. dylan is a sweet baby and loves to cuddle, which i love. i miss those cuddle days with landon, when he would just lay on my chest and by comforted by the sound of my heartbeat. he still cuddles now, but not as often as he used to.
last week, we got a phone call to tell us that my grandpa had died. he went in for an angioplasty and was kept overnight for observation. the next day, he was released and was home visiting with friends from out of town and his family and all of sudden, he dropped to the ground. the doctor's said they think it was a blood clot that dislodged and went to his heart. he didn't suffer at all, which is a good thing. today was his funeral and i'm sad because we weren't able to make it. the plane tickets were outrageous and it's a seven and half drive there...we just weren't ready to take the kids in the car for that long. i will miss him, calling and joking around with him. i was really sad because i had sent him pictures of dylan and landon and they were supposed to go pick them up at walmart but didn't make it...he never got to see what his new great grandson looked like. my cell phone wasn't sending pictures for some reason, but the day after he died, the phone suddenly started sending pictures again. strange.
kathy, my mother in law, came and spent last week with us. i love when she comes to visit because landon seems so happy when she's here. he loves to be around his family and he and her have a special bond. plus, she is such fun company to have. we all went out together for dinner, us and logan and felicia and taylor and kyle and it was great. i love having a sense of family. she had to leave this morning, early this morning, and we hope to see them again soon. i think we are going to try and go up to washington for christmas.
another thing that has been happening is our pursuit of a new house. we have an offer in an house that has been pending for over two months now and so we decided to look around some more. we found one and tried to buy it, but the seller was shady and after three days, we still didn't agree to his ridiculous contract terms. he sold it to someone else from underneath us. i guess it's for the better considering how difficult he was. yesterday, we found another house that we love! we hope that our offer goes through on this house but there is a lot of other interest in it. we're keeping our fingers crossed.
so everyone here in the dunn house is doing okay...the baby is growing and happy, landon is getting to be a good big brother and learning what "gentle" and "careful" means, and jordan and i are cleaning up the constant messes and enjoying the time off from work together. jordan has to go back to work full time next week so i'll be wrangling the boys by myself three days a week. wish me luck :)

he's finally here!!!!

the wait is over! our second son, dylan nash, was born august 20th at 11:34am...but it was no easy road to get him here that's for sure.

after dealing with preterm labor since week 24 and being out of work and on bedrest, we finally got the point where the doctor said we could be induced, that was on the 11th. i was put on the induction list at arrowhead hospital for sunday the 16th starting at 8pm. that sunday, we took landon to chuck e cheese so we could spend some time with him before his brother came. he loved it, but got overwhelmed by all the kids. he wasn't crazy about the big, talking, dancing mouse either, which i thought most kids loved.

sunday night came and went...as did all day monday and all day tuesday and all day wednesday. the whole process was ridiculous!! i would call and ask how long it would take to get in, they would say "we'll call you". they would call me and say "you're still waiting". my doctor would call and they would tell him "keep waiting". for four days straight there was apparently never an opening. i was in so much pain and back labor and all the waiting through the nights was keeping us from sleeping. finally, my doctor called another nearby hospital to see if they could get me in. there was an opening thursday morning at 2am and so we waited to hear if that was going to work out. we got a call at 2am to be into banner thunderbird by 3am. thank heavens!!! some relief was near knowing we didn't have to keep waiting by the phone.

we dropped landon off with logan and felicia. we had them on standby all week just in case we had to get called in in the middle of the night. he wasn't too happy about it at first, but logan said he calmed down pretty soon after we left. i felt sad knowing that my baby boy wasn't going to be the baby anymore and he had no idea.

we got settled into the hospital, prepaid for their service (which is some new hospital policy and it may have been to early for the lady to get jordan's joke about what they do with the babies if you can't pay ahead of time for them), and went to our room. the hospital is really nice and the people were nice to us. they started pitocin on me right away and asked me about 100 questions, one of which being what the maximum pain i could tolerate would be. i assumed this was to gauge whether or not i was going to need the drugs and i said yes, i will be asking for them at some point. dr erickson came around 7 and broke my water, which is the most disgusting feeling ever but for the sake of any male readers, i'll spare the details. jordan left for a few mintues to get landon and take him to daycare for the afternoon. we would have kept him with us but landon isn't one to be contained and there were too many things for him to mess with and get in trouble. while jordan was gone, i got to experience the horrible pain of real labor. last time with landon, i had the epidural early and so i never really felt the intense contractions....but i sure felt them this time!!! i thought i was dying! it was terrible. jordan called and asked how i was and all i said was "come back". he came back and then the wonderful anthesia doctor came back!! she was my hero. the medicine made me a little loopy and had to be administered twice for it to work but it finally took effect and it was so much better after that. each leg felt like it weighed 100 pounds.

at 10:45 i was ready to go. i pushed with the nurses for three sets of contractions and then had to stop because the baby was coming out and we had to wait for the doctor to come back. it took him a little while to come back and when he did, i only pushed a couple of times and then, there he was.

it was a totally different feeling than what i felt with landon. i didn't know what to expect but when he came out, i was overjoyed! i had been so worried that this day wouldn't come because of the early complications and i was worried all throughout the pregnancy that this day would be tainted with rushing nurses and doctors and oxygen masks and loud beeping of monitors. when it all went smoothly, it was mroe than i ever could have asked for. i was so happy. so was jordan! he is the cutest daddy ever. his face was just lit up and he was so excited to see them measure and weigh him. he weighed in at 8 pounds, 1 ounce.....big boy!!! we all guessed he would be in the 7's somewhere. he was 20 1/8 inches long and he was built like a little bulldog, just stout with a barrel chest and chubby arms and legs. he had blonde hair and looked very similar to landon. another beautiful boy. we are so blessed!

all his tests came back good so we were able to keep him in the room with us the whole time, expect he had to stay under the heat lamps for the first few hours because he was struggling with his temperature a little. that night, jordan brought landon back to meet his brother. he was more excited than i thought he would be! he wanted to kiss the baby and hold him and give him hugs. later on, kyle and his friend britt came to visit and landon was so excited. he loves kyle!! the perry family too and we were so happy to see them. they brought their little girl kamryn and she is two months old now, which i can't believe! she's so adorable. landon was elated that kade was there to play with him, although the hospital room isn't the best place for boys to play...lots of buttons that call people and make noises and sound alarms. the perry's were so awesome; they took landon home with them so jordan could get some sleep..he was exhausted beyond belief.

we got to go home the next evening and today has been our first full day home. it's taking some getting used to with landon and the baby. he isn't always willing to share his time and attention and he doesn't fully understand what is going on yet. we have to say "be gentle" about 100 times an hour to him. dylan is good though. he sleeps a lot but has been awake a lot today..so hopefully he sleeps tonight. last night was a little rough because dylan was getting used to being home, landon got woke up by the monsoon and wanted to come to bed with us, and gage was having seizures (caused from the new stress or the heat probably).

my family feels pretty complete now. everyone keeps asking if we are going to have another one, to get a girl or whatever, but i like having my three guys. i'm outnumbered but i know that it is going to be so fun....going to soccer games, camping, playing baseball, doing all the boy things with them as they grow up together. i'm so lucky to have these two boys in my life and i'm even luckier to have such a wonderful husband! he has been awesome through this whole process, he was amazing in the delivery room, and he is so supportive now that we're home. i loved seeing him and dylan sleeping on the couch together last night.

so now we're home and our life starts a new chapter. it'll be interesting to see what is written for us to come.

tick, tick, tick

baby dylan update.....he's still in there. as of last wednesday, i was allowed to stop taking all the medicine to keep him from coming and my doctor said that if he was to try and come, he wouldn't postpone it at all. over the last few days, every little twinge and contraction and pain has me reaching for the hospital bags and the car keys. i keep waiting impatiently however...i'm waiting for a clear cut sign that it's time...mainly because i don't want to pay the bill only to be sent home to wait some more. so here we are, closing in on 37 weeks and the doctor has given me the "any day now" sentence. between waiting for dylan to come and waiting to hear about the offer we made on our house, the suspense is killing us.....ah, how wonderful it would be to be landon; blissfully unaware of everything that is about to change. he is still too young to understand that soon, that huge mass that has been growing in mommy is about to become a human whom he will have to share us with. he thinks babies are cute and he seems to know that he needs to be gentle around them but it will be interesting to see how he copes with a baby brother. i think the biggest frustration for him will be that the baby won't be able to play with him right away. instead, he will be demanding time and attention from us that landon is usually obliged to soak up in mass quanity. i was telling jordan the other day that i almost feel guilty for having another baby.....maybe it's an expecting mom thing, or maybe not but i feel like it isn't going to be fair to landon. i feel like he will think that he wasn't enough for us (which IS NOT the case because he is MORE than enough). case in point: we went to lunch today and it was so hot out and landon wanted a drink of our drink because it had a straw. he just figured out how to use them so he likes to try whenever he can. the drink was diet pepsi. landon went crazy!! he was yelling and running around walmart after lunch, pulling things off the shelf, climbing in and out of the cart, taking off down the aisle in a sprint...more than usual. he was so wired! after just a few minutes in the car on the drive home, he crashed hard. he was so exhausted that he didn't even wake up when i took him out of the car seat and took his shoes off to lie him down for a nap. that boy!!!
so for now, the restless nights filled with anticipation and the long days waiting around is what we are doing....we'll keep you posted in the event that something climatic happens....hoping it happens soon...