it feels like i was hit by a truck

After my last post, I was so angry about the direction my healthcare was taking. I know that a sick person for doctors is a business, but it should never be treated that way. At the recommendation of my boss, who suffered the same frustration with a treatment she needed, I went to see a doctor at the mayo hospital. It is one of the best hospitals and their reputation for service is stellar. I went in during my lunch on Tuesday the 18^th. The campus was beautiful and all the people were nice. I saw dr magtiby, and I heard about eight different pronunciations of his name in the time I was there. I told him all my symptoms and we talked about the degree of pain I was in. he was very honest and direct and told me if everything went okay, I could have surgery the next day. My eyes welled when he told me that this pain would be taken care of and that I could get back to being normal and taking care of my family. So after finishing everything up at work, I went home and prepared for surgery. I had to be on a complete fast for 18 hours, which meant no food or drink. That was tough. In the morning, I put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt (because hospitals are always cold) and got a book and my pink blanket and we headed out. It was an outpatient procedure so I didn’t bring an overnight bag. We dropped off landon for the day and I gave him a big hug because I knew I wouldn’t be able to pick him up or hold him for a week to two weeks. Jordan had to go in to work so he dropped me off at the hospital early. I sat patiently in the waiting room and listened to all the other reasons people were having surgery that day. One man was having a kidney removed, one woman was having a mastectomy, and one boy was having his arm broken again to the bones to heal right. I was nervous but it was much more comforting at this hospital then I wouldn’t felt at my originally intended hospital. The nurse called me in and I had to put on that ridiculous sheet gown they make you wear. They started an IV and the doctor came in and drew a purple x on my right side. Just as I was going to be put out, Jordan popped in and told me he’d be waiting for me when I was all done. That was the best thing, to see him before I went in. they put me under and the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery area. The doctor had made four incisions into my abdomen; one to look into the right ovary and take care of the mass that was there. One into the belly button to look around the stomach and intestines and to remove the appendix. A third to look into the uterus and clean some tissue out that was still there from having landon, and a fourth to look at the bladder and other organs in that area. The surgery all lasted about 2 hours. I was beat up. The recovery area had about 10 beds and some of the people who were in the waiting room were in there too. The nurses laughed because I kept falling asleep and then waking up suddenly and calling out to them, like separation anxiety. They kept asking what my pain from 1 to 10 was and it was really terrible for the first few hours. Jordan came back to see me and said he had to go get landon from daycare. The doctor said I couldn’t leave that night. I was in too much pain and my vitals weren’t strong enough. So they put me in a recovery room of my own and my nurses were fantastic; I wanted for nothing. If I was tired, they turned the lights off, if I was thirsty, they got me some juice, and if I was in pain, they had the stuff to help me. My mom was great too. She called me at least three times a day to see how I was and to make sure she didn’t have to have some words with any nurses about taking care of her baby girl. The whole time I was in recovery, my blood pressure was really low, which was odd. When it was time to get up and try to walk, I only got a few steps before I felt sick and dizzy and passed out a little in the hallway. I was really tired too. I’d be awake just long enough for the nurses to check in on me and then I’d drift off again. It was partially due to the medicine they gave me, but my body was working really hard to heal me. Good thing the nurses were right there to catch me. I didn’t get to go home that day either. On Friday, I was up walking a little at a time and actually got to eat some food. Jordan came and took me home and I was glad to be home, but it was different. In the hospital, I was allowed to be down and weak and taken care of. At home, I had responsibilities and I felt terrible not fulfilling them….especially not being able to hold Landon when he was sleepy at bedtime. I was really sick Friday night. I had a high fever with chills and shaking. Jordan loaded me up with blankets and I feel asleep for awhile but when I woke up, I was throwing up and clammy and felt awful. I finally fell back to sleep. Saturday, we were all supposed to drive to California for our friend’s mark and kami’s wedding and there was no way I could go. Thankfully, our friends Ryan and kami watched Landon overnight. They are great! Landon loves to play over there too because kade has all the big boy toys. Jordan left and I slept most of the day, trying to get up every once and awhile to see if I could walk some more. Sunday, kami brought Landon back over and Kyle, my dear brother in law, came to help. He’s a great uncle and Landon adores him. Kyle brought us jack in the box which I don’t really eat but it was the first meal in over a week that I was able to keep down, so I was happy. Jordan came home and worked from home yesterday to help take care of me. I’m still really sore and can’t do much. My stomach is all bruised this yellow kind of bruise. I go back to the doctor tomorrow so he can tell me what, if anything, he found in the biopsies and during the surgery. Hopefully, he fixed whatever the problem was and everything will be fine. If not, I’m confident that if I have to be treated for something else, that the mayo hospital is the place to have to done at. I’ll be letting you all know what he has to say about his trip into my abdominal cavity tomorrow!

surgery scheduled

December 2nd is my surgery day right now. I am trying to get it moved up so that way this pain goes away sooner, but it isn't looking promising. It's an outpatient procedure most of the time, depending on how your vitals are during recovery and observation. Some people have to stay overnight. I'm annoyed at the healthcare system right now...the way they treat people. my doctor's office won't even let me talk to my doctor. this man is going to cut into my body and remove parts and I can't even talk to him about it. everything has be screened through his assistant, which is way this has taken so long. i've been in pain now for almost three months. i've lost my appetite, lost weight, i'm fatigued, bruising, running fever on and off, feeling sick, and my abdomen is swollen up. it's miserable and even though i've voiced my suffering, it doesn't take a high priority to them...i don't fit into their schedule. i'm thinking i might go to a different doctor's office, even though i like my doctor...when i actually get to see and talk to him. this is all so ridiculous....wishing at this point that something ruptures or explodes or causes some emergency so that it can be taken care. no one should get to that point.

if the surgery gets moved up, i'll let you all know.

random monday post

so landon was in the bath tub tonight and i just so happened to be taking incriminating photos of him to use against him when he's older, and i thought i'd capture his newest concept on video....in. every night when the bath is over, i tell him it's time to clean up and we put all the toys away before the draining the water. he has caught on now and has figured out that the toys go in the bucket. it was cute.




i may not be blogging too much in the next, oh i don't, week or so. the doctor told me today that i need to go in and surgery. i'm not what day i have to go for it, but it doesn't sound like major surgery. for the past couple of months, i've had this terrible pain in my lower right abdomen and i went to two doctors and had numerous tests before they sent to my primary obgyn, the same doctor that delivered landon. he discovered a mass on my right ovary and said it might also be causing some problems to the appendix as well. after what they call "watchful waiting" and tryingto treat it with a steriod hormone, i had another ultrasound the end of last week. the mass didn't go away and didn't even shrink a little....impervious to the medicine. it was supposed to disappear all together. the pain is still there and so the doctor is recommending to have laproscopic surgery to remove the mass primarily and if necessary, other organs. from what i read online, it could be a little nothing surgery with little recovery time, or it could be a war zone in there. my worst fear, of course, is that it's cancer. based on everything that i've been reading i've been displaying almost all the syptoms of ovarian cancer, most recently loss of appetite and weight loss. hopefully it isn't anything that serious. the people that i have told always ask the same question "does this mean you can't have any more kids?" so far, the answer is "no". the doctor doesn't predict any infertility problems. so keep your fingers crossed for me that it's a pesky cyst and nothing more!!!

love to all of you!!

at the park

it was one of the those gorgeous november days here in arizona. the temperature was perfect to be outside and so we took landon and the dogs to the park. here are some pictures of us with the dogs. for those who don't know, gage is the black and brown dog and nala is the tan one with the long, crazy, spotted tongue.

landon loves to go on the swing, but someone else was using them. landon is bigger now, so we thought he might like going down the slide. here's the video and based on his expression, maybe we'll just stick to the swings for awhile. this is when everything starts to get fun! he's becoming so interactive and before, the park was just a place that wasn't the house, but he was able to get out of his stroller and walk around and he seems to like it. i'm glad that now that weather is a little less harsh we'll be able to go more.

the day came...and it was messy!

we had landon's first birthday party on november the first. it was a sad day and i was upset in the morning, but as we decorated for the party and got landon's gifts out, the look on his face made it hard to stay sad for long. he was so excited! our good friends the perrys and the burninghams came and landon's uncle logan came too. the house was noisy but it was great to everyone there. i remember when we went to kade's first birthday and we just kept thinking about how fast the time had flew. now, we were realizing it with our own little one. jordan made landon a little basketball cake and it was so cute. it was little, so just landon would eat....or destroy it. here we are singing happy birthday to him.

then it was time to get dirty!! it took him a little while to really get into eating the cake. everything up until that point in his life had been in liquid form or in tiny bite sized pieces. i think he was more overwhelmed by the portion. eventually he got it to fall apart and luckily he took his clothes off or it would have been an even bigger mess. needless to say, it was straight into the bath after he was done. he is eating the cake. the rest of the pictures can be seen from the picasa link below the video. it was a good day! full of laughter and love. i just wish that our family could've been there to share it with us. it isn't fair to them or us to miss out on these events, like birthdays and holidays. hopefully, it won't always be that way.

picasa link to pictures is:

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/LandonSFirstBirthdayParty#