poor little guy

ever since landon was born, he hasn't been well a day in his life. this crouping, stressed cough along with labored breathing follow him everyday. when he was born, he was in distress while i was pushing. he came out and there was a flood of doctors and nurses in the room. he wasn't breathing well and his heart beat was irratic. it wasn't the moment mothers dream of when they have their babies. i got to hold him for only a minute before he was taken to the level 2 nursery. when we got to see him, he was hooked up to breathing tubes and ivs. we couldn't even hold him without getting tangled up in cords. now, over a year later, the poor kid is still having to endure poking and proding to find out what is wrong with him. instead of sleeping in today, basking in the joy of christmas that was yesterday, landon and i had to get up at six in the morning and drive an hour to Phoenix children's hospital. worst part was, landon couldn't eat anything for at least three hours before we went, not even milk. he didn't wake up well and i was dreading the morning to come. we had to go to the hospital so they could could do an upper g.i. scope. he had to drink a barium solution and the radiologists had to watch it go down his esophagus and into his digestive track. they were looking for a collapse or impression in his esophagus that could be contributing to what they call the "stridor", which is the sound that he makes when he coughs. looking it on the internet, i found that it is a noisy, high pitched sound that may suggest some sort of infection or obstruction in the breathing airways. it's a symptom of something else, not a disease in itself. he was well behaved and going to the children's hopsital is always better than the regular hospital. they watched him digest the solution and looked for any problems. the radiologist said that this is usually the test done first to rule out anything gi wise. he said he didn't see anything but will give the results to the doctor to use in combination with the next test he has to get done.
from here, landon has to have a brochoscope done. he has to have a rigid scope done, so he'll be put under anthesia for the procedure. they are doing this form so that if they need to biospy any tissue or correct a narrowed, collapsed or damaged airway, they can. this hasn't been scheduled yet but should be happening in the next week or so. i'm going to be there for him...and for myself. i've been waiting for someone to give me an answer to his problems his whole life. it keeps getting pushed back on a cold, or allergies, or congestion, or "it's going around". we recently found out that a pediatrician diagnosed landon with a chronic disorder called reactive respiratory disorder back in february, but never told us about it. i found about it when i called to get copies of his record sent to my work. this disease is very confusing becasuse some doctors say it must not be confused with asthema and some websites say they are one of the same. regardless of what it is, that isn't what the pulmonologist has told us. so we're going to put landon through the poking and proding and sedation to find something!! hopefully, it is nothing too seirous like a defect in his airways or a tumor or anything else scary you read about on the internet and the doctors list as the "worst case scenarios for this situation".

so my poor little guy. i just want him to have an answer and ultimately, a solution.

merry christmas one and all

it finally came! christmas morning! the presents had been sitting under the tree for days and landon wasn't the only one waiting to open them. we got our little boy up, or the other way around, and went downstairs to open the stockings first. even the dogs and cat got gifts in their stocking. we had intended to stay in our pajamas, but i've been living in my sweatpants the last few days since i had my wisdom teeth out and felt like wearing regular clothes. logan, felicia, taylor and kyle came over for brunch and gifts. jordan made coffee cake, bacon, and sausage and we drank coco and enjoyed each other's company. it's strange; we live fairly close to each other and don't each other very much. our visits are streched across weeks and sometimes, months. work and everything else tends to get in the way. today though, it was all about family. the boys played video games and watched basketball and the girls watched after the kids. we bought a webcam and so did the washington dunn family. we did our gift opening via webcam chat and it was so neat because we could see the looks on their faces when they opened the gifts we picked for them. everyone was there too! it was great! the grandparents got to see the babies and we talked about all the snow they have had in the last week. they sent us pictures and their whole yard was covered in snow! no snow here in phoenix...just cold and rainy today, which is out of the ordinary, so it was welcomed. i need to get better at managing my cell phones minutes because i didn't get to talk to my mom, dad, or brother very long today. it was nice to talk to them though, and know that they are enjoying their christmas as well. i haven't really been able to talk at all the last couple of days, so it was good to talk...period. we missed all of our family and friends and wish they could have all been here to talk with and laugh with.

this christmas was fun because landon understood what was going on, more so than last year. he helped rip off wrapping paper and ate christmas brunch with us. he played with the toys and books we got him and wore himself out playing with the little tikes hoop we bought him. i think he might go pro one day! check out this dunk!

here are the rest of the pictures from our christmas morning.

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/Christmas2008#

as the day winds down, the dishes get clean, the wrapping paper finds its way into the recycling bin, we hope that you all had a wonderful and joyous day as well. we hope you got everything you wanted and we hope that you even had the chance to give to those less fortunate than yourself, even if it was the smallest donation. we gave to the salvation army several times and gave a toy for tots. hope someone enjoys it and it brings a smile to their face.

as the new year approachs, it starts the time to reflect on the past year, comment on how fast it went by. it's also time for most people to torture themselves with new year's resolutions. most resolutions last six weeks into the new year. it's a depressing statistic. imagine what all could be accomplished if people had a little more willpower and endurance in their goals. the problem for some is they make the statment "this year i will......" knowing they won't obtain the end result and therefore can proclaim the same resolution each and every year. some have every intention of sticking to their guns. somewhere along the way, they just get lost or busy or distracted. so, my loved ones, i ask that this year, you set a resolution that can be reached. don't make it too easy...make it so some hardwork goes into it....and let us not fall into the habit of making other people's resolutions for them. ie. i tell my mom every year, this will be the year you stop smoking, and she has no intention to stop, and then i get disappointed come december. easy steps this year:

1. make a resolution that you know you can keep, it means a lot to you to accomplish, and you won't give up on it in april

2. don't make anyone else's resolution (outloud)

love and blessings to you all!!! talk to you again soon! sleep tight!

it's almost christmas..but you wouldn't know it looking outside

most of the country right now is being hit with snow and ice storms. mail has been halted to a stop in some cities, including marysville, where we're from. our brother nayt works for the post office and slid into a ditch in his mail truck the other day. thankfully, he's okay. all over the states, schools are being canceled and people are freezing. water pipes are bursting in houses because of the cold and football players are playing games with zero visibility.....for crying out loud, the vegas strip was under a foot of snow!!! but here, in arizona, not the case. in fact, we are not trapped by snow at all. landon, jordan, and i went to the park today and hung out. it was a beautiful day, maybe in hte 60's somewhere for temperature. it wasn't even cold enough for me to opt for closed toes shoes, so i rocked the flip flops. it was great for us in arizona. i really miss the snow though. it always makes me think of nights by the fireplace, cocoa, and big comfy blankets. we've only turned out heat on twice so far. not to brag or rub it in the faces of those shoveling snow off their driveways, or wearing eight layers just to get to the mailbox..not at all. i'll trade you a week or so of this weather to even this season as it was intended to be enjoyed.

anyway, christmas is almost here! we finally got one room of our house looking festive. we hung our stockings and i stacked all the presents under the tree. this could have waited a few days, but it makes the room feel warmer somehow. they are alittle too tempting for landon, however. he keeps going over and picking up the lightest ones and carrying them to us. here is, busted, sitting amongst the gifts. it'll be so exciting to watch him open them, or try at least. last year, he slept through christmas morning because he was only a few weeks old. hopefully he likes what we picked out for him. oh! and we are proud to report that landon has been off the bottle for almost a month now...baby bottle that is. we've made a transition into sippy cup. new years resolution for landon will be to give up his binky, which i anticipate to be harder then giving up the bottle.

we will be enjoying christmas with logan, felicia, baby taylor, and kyle. we are doing a christmas brunch, instead of a big dinner. everyone gets to come in their pajamas and we're going to have our gift exchange. got a big family?? do as the dunns do! we do a secret santa and everyone picks one other person to give a gift too. we all try to keep it a secret until christmas, and in past years it has been pretty much gone to the spoils, but now that the younger kids has grown up a bit and can actually keep their secrets, there is more mystery this year. it's worked pretty well. jordan and i give a family gift to the washington dunns and they give a family gift to us too. we don't know what we're getting this year, because we didn't decide in time, so we are left to our own devices in check form. we'll do something fun with it, i'm sure.

so again, merry christmas to all of you who follow this blog and anyone new to see it! love and joy to everyone!

o christmas tree!

this year, we happened upon a tree from a friend of mine. we haven't had one of our own since we moved here to arizona. to get a real tree, you better be ready to spend some big time bucks. i was always used to the daily family tradition of going out days before christmas, sometimes christmas eve, and picking out the best looking tree with my dad. i loved the way it smelled in the house in the middle of the night. no aromas from the kitchen were interfering. everytime we fly back to washington, i get out the airport and take a deep breath and the evergreen smells takes over your senses. it always reminds me of christmas. it's a fake tree and it isn't extravagant but it doesn't matter...i was just so excited to have one. landon was excited too. he loves the christmas lights on the tree and he liked to play with the ornament. he even let me try and decorate him. i was seriously considering using this picture for my christmas card..in fact, i still might.

i may not be posting next week, despite the holiday. i have to have three wisdom teeth surgically extracted on monday the 22nd....urg. i know, something else, right? hopefully this will be the last thing i'll be dealing with for awhile. so if i don't get a chance to get the cards out, or give you all phone calls, have a wonderful christmas. enjoy your familes and friends. drink some coca and cuddle up with big blankets and stare aimlessly at your trees. just embrace and hold on to the moments as they're happening. yes, the gifts will be nice, but we got the biggest gift and december 25th is his birthday!!!!

the "daycare" kid

i've realized my worst fear as a working mom. my son, my little landon, has been the typically daycare kid....you know the ones. they always have something wrong and you can spot them from anywhere due to the ever flowing runny nose. after almost 3 weeks of no daycare, landon went back on tuesday. later in the afternoon, i got that dreaded call that landon had a fever and i needed to come get him. this is not the first time. whenever the phones ring and see their name pop up, i cringe and pray....i know something is wrong, and at the same time, i hope it isn't something serious, or worse, life threatening. so i went and got him, took him right to the doctor. after a short, hardly thorough exam, she determined he had an ear infection. i informed he was already being treated for an ear infection, and she said sometimes it goes and comes....huh? so we filled his prescription and we were sent on our way. spiking temperatures, rotavirus, and cough that he hasn't been able to kick since he was born pretty much...daycare kid. how do i know that my son isn't some fragile germ magnet? because when my mother in law was here for the summer, landon was here with her and he was really doing a lot better. as soon as he went back, he was a mess again. to make matters worse, he is starting to show the signs of a daycare kid in his battle wounds. he's been bitten a couple times, causing bruises and marks. bumps on the head needing cold compresses and then there is that runny nose....dead giveaway.
he's seen specialists at the top hospitals, had a hospital stay even, and he never gets better. i love him and along with being happy and well adjusted, i want him to to be healthy. not a day goes by when i don't hear that labored, low croup. most of the time, he acts liek it doesn't even bother him. he coughs and then smiles and walks away. i don't want it to be something he just lives with. i don't want him to accept the fact that he's a daycare kid...i want him to be able to run around the park without wheezing and coughing after ten minutes.

daycare kid.....i never thought he'd be one of them.

back to work

today, i had to go back to work. i've been on leave to have and recover from surgery and although it was no vacation, it was so nice to have that time with jordan and especially with landon. he and i had so much fun together. spending that time together was priceless. i realized just how much of his day i'm missing when i'm a work. between the commute and my actual work day, we have only a few true, quality hours together. i miss his snacks and his new tricks, like pointing. i miss hugs and laughs. i felt like crying all the way to work as i drove in alone today. i was leaving a par of me at home and i felt a pull getting stronger the more miles i put between me and home. i'd always thought i'd be a stay at home mom; carting the kids to playdates and baking cookies, enjoying more of the mess in the process then the result. i wanted to enjoy the nap time cuddles and greet my bread winnind husband at the door, child on hip. i essentially wanted to be a wife in the fifties. i even wanted to sport the apron, even though i know i really don't cook anything. it was appealing....if you look past oppressed women rights and young mothers with drinking problems. realistically, we're in a society to live to work, not work to live. jordan and i got used to our life when it was just our life...maybe at one point before we bought our current house we could have kept it small scaled and i could've stayed home and raised our adorable son.....maybe, could've, would've are no good now. now, i have a job, jordan has a job and we have a son to support. i like the company i work for and the benefits have allowed landon and i to be as sick as we could possibly be affordably. i just wish it were different. i would even settle for part time.
what i would really want, what would be ideal would be to work part time, stay home with landon, sell my writing to make up for the lack of time spent behind the desk, and live off the salary of my husband's sports statistics job. it would be a win win life; i'd still be making money, doing what i love (writing), staying home with my mess maker, and jordan would be ranking nba players on their missed free throws and rebounds. to make it truly ideal, our family would live nearby and we would have big family dinners every sunday night and we'd play board games and drink coco....very currier and ives. we'd all take family pictures in delightfully cheesy matching sweaters and have picnics in the park. again, the fifties weren't so bad for moms, right? just avoid the nip of scotch after supper.
for now, i'll plug away at a 9-5 pace and try to keep the perm-a-smile going as i do it....all along knowing that we are capable of more love if we just have more time...and more money would help too

thanksgiving, thanks, and healing

i know i'm a little late on my thanksgiving post, not my fault. i tried and there was some type of error. anyway, happy thanksgiving to all who read this!! i hope that your day was full of friends, family, fun, and love; like ours was. jordan made an amazing dinner of all white meat turkey, homemade gravy, green beans, rolls, and jello salad. we appointed the relatives to bring the other stuff, like soda and chips, etc. my brother in law logan came with his wife felicia and my niece taylor, or tay is what we call her. my brother in law kyle came and brought his new girlfriend for us to meet. her name is jordin......in case you are not aware, i am married to a jordan and my brother mikey is dating a girl named jorden. what did i start?? (mine's the best one though) felicia's dad and sister also came for dinner. nothing makes a house feel more like a home than the warmth of family in it. i wish that all of our family could've been there. we would have needed more turkey, but it would have been the best thanksgiving ever. we played video games, a board game, we talked about our kids, and we laughed a lot. we even managed to get us all in one picture. tay was just about to take a nap and she wasn't very happy to be participating.

here is the picasa link to some more pictures...not a ton, and none of the food actually, but it captures our day.

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/Thanksgiving08#

i was still healing from surgery and still kind of am. having an exploration done of your abdomen is tough to recover from and you never quite realize just how much you use those muscles until you are wounded and unable to. picking up landon is the hardest thing. my arms are getting stronger, trying to compensate for the loss of the core muscles to lift him. he isn't very big but he's solid. he is getting to be such a kid now, instead of a baby. case in point, his jumper chair was sitting in the back bedroom. landon had lost interest in it and had sort of outgrown it was well. taylor needed some entertainment, so i brought it out for her to play in. as soon as she was in, landon walked right over and wanted to play with it. he was trying to shake her out of it and watching them interact was hilarious. we got some of it on video. they were just so interested in each other. it's funny to think that landon doesn't realize he was a baby like her not so very long ago. he sees babies in the store or at the park and he smiles and laughs, but it doesn't register to him that he isn't that much older than they are.

speaking of thanksgiving, i should post what it is that i am thankful for. i am thankful for my wonderful husband jordan. without him, i would be lost, adrift in the world with no direction. he is my personal accountant, chef, and comedian. he is the best best friend anyone could ask for because he is truly a good human being. he is the most incredible dad to landon too. i always knew he would be but he amazes me everyday. i am thankful for my little guy landon. he is a daily reminder of how blessed we are and how much joy we have in our lives. it's hard to remember how we were before him but we are better people because of him. we are so thankful for our familes. i am blessed to have my family and also a warm and inviting in law family in the dunns. logan was my best friend in high school and im so lucky to now have him as a brother. kyle is thes best! he even came over to help take care of landon when i wasn't able to during the first days of recovery. he read books, changed diapers and to boot, he even fed my dogs before he left. i love them all! we are thankful for our friends, both here and far away. the perrys and the burninghams are there for us when we need them and they have been a great support system for us here in arizona. they always keep us laughing and you know what they say about laughter; it prolongs your life. they have given us many extra years. we are thankful for our house, our jobs, our pets. we are most thankful to be watched over and loved from our God above and he watches over those who hold places in our hearts as well. he challenges us everyday and in our thoughts and prayers, he knows we apprecaite both the successes and the failures. he is neverending and although i wasn't rasied in the church, like jordan was, i know our family keeps him close to us. our son will know that he is loved and blessed, and that is a tremendous gift.

speaking of gifts, the holidays are now upon us....being crammed down our throats by stores, commercials, all holiday music channels, etc. can you believe a man was trampled to death at a walmart by crazed shoppers day after thanksgiving? killed for discounts. those are the people stores love, the ones that have forgotten the true meaning of christmas. spiritually void consumers buying crap nobody really needs and most of the time, don't want. as we all do our shopping, and partake in the giving and receiving of gifts, let's just keep the real meaning of the season in mind. let's put family, friends, and faith ahead of $5 off 10 piece tool kits.

i know you all will and i wish you all a very happy holiday.

talk to you again soon!

it feels like i was hit by a truck

After my last post, I was so angry about the direction my healthcare was taking. I know that a sick person for doctors is a business, but it should never be treated that way. At the recommendation of my boss, who suffered the same frustration with a treatment she needed, I went to see a doctor at the mayo hospital. It is one of the best hospitals and their reputation for service is stellar. I went in during my lunch on Tuesday the 18^th. The campus was beautiful and all the people were nice. I saw dr magtiby, and I heard about eight different pronunciations of his name in the time I was there. I told him all my symptoms and we talked about the degree of pain I was in. he was very honest and direct and told me if everything went okay, I could have surgery the next day. My eyes welled when he told me that this pain would be taken care of and that I could get back to being normal and taking care of my family. So after finishing everything up at work, I went home and prepared for surgery. I had to be on a complete fast for 18 hours, which meant no food or drink. That was tough. In the morning, I put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt (because hospitals are always cold) and got a book and my pink blanket and we headed out. It was an outpatient procedure so I didn’t bring an overnight bag. We dropped off landon for the day and I gave him a big hug because I knew I wouldn’t be able to pick him up or hold him for a week to two weeks. Jordan had to go in to work so he dropped me off at the hospital early. I sat patiently in the waiting room and listened to all the other reasons people were having surgery that day. One man was having a kidney removed, one woman was having a mastectomy, and one boy was having his arm broken again to the bones to heal right. I was nervous but it was much more comforting at this hospital then I wouldn’t felt at my originally intended hospital. The nurse called me in and I had to put on that ridiculous sheet gown they make you wear. They started an IV and the doctor came in and drew a purple x on my right side. Just as I was going to be put out, Jordan popped in and told me he’d be waiting for me when I was all done. That was the best thing, to see him before I went in. they put me under and the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery area. The doctor had made four incisions into my abdomen; one to look into the right ovary and take care of the mass that was there. One into the belly button to look around the stomach and intestines and to remove the appendix. A third to look into the uterus and clean some tissue out that was still there from having landon, and a fourth to look at the bladder and other organs in that area. The surgery all lasted about 2 hours. I was beat up. The recovery area had about 10 beds and some of the people who were in the waiting room were in there too. The nurses laughed because I kept falling asleep and then waking up suddenly and calling out to them, like separation anxiety. They kept asking what my pain from 1 to 10 was and it was really terrible for the first few hours. Jordan came back to see me and said he had to go get landon from daycare. The doctor said I couldn’t leave that night. I was in too much pain and my vitals weren’t strong enough. So they put me in a recovery room of my own and my nurses were fantastic; I wanted for nothing. If I was tired, they turned the lights off, if I was thirsty, they got me some juice, and if I was in pain, they had the stuff to help me. My mom was great too. She called me at least three times a day to see how I was and to make sure she didn’t have to have some words with any nurses about taking care of her baby girl. The whole time I was in recovery, my blood pressure was really low, which was odd. When it was time to get up and try to walk, I only got a few steps before I felt sick and dizzy and passed out a little in the hallway. I was really tired too. I’d be awake just long enough for the nurses to check in on me and then I’d drift off again. It was partially due to the medicine they gave me, but my body was working really hard to heal me. Good thing the nurses were right there to catch me. I didn’t get to go home that day either. On Friday, I was up walking a little at a time and actually got to eat some food. Jordan came and took me home and I was glad to be home, but it was different. In the hospital, I was allowed to be down and weak and taken care of. At home, I had responsibilities and I felt terrible not fulfilling them….especially not being able to hold Landon when he was sleepy at bedtime. I was really sick Friday night. I had a high fever with chills and shaking. Jordan loaded me up with blankets and I feel asleep for awhile but when I woke up, I was throwing up and clammy and felt awful. I finally fell back to sleep. Saturday, we were all supposed to drive to California for our friend’s mark and kami’s wedding and there was no way I could go. Thankfully, our friends Ryan and kami watched Landon overnight. They are great! Landon loves to play over there too because kade has all the big boy toys. Jordan left and I slept most of the day, trying to get up every once and awhile to see if I could walk some more. Sunday, kami brought Landon back over and Kyle, my dear brother in law, came to help. He’s a great uncle and Landon adores him. Kyle brought us jack in the box which I don’t really eat but it was the first meal in over a week that I was able to keep down, so I was happy. Jordan came home and worked from home yesterday to help take care of me. I’m still really sore and can’t do much. My stomach is all bruised this yellow kind of bruise. I go back to the doctor tomorrow so he can tell me what, if anything, he found in the biopsies and during the surgery. Hopefully, he fixed whatever the problem was and everything will be fine. If not, I’m confident that if I have to be treated for something else, that the mayo hospital is the place to have to done at. I’ll be letting you all know what he has to say about his trip into my abdominal cavity tomorrow!

surgery scheduled

December 2nd is my surgery day right now. I am trying to get it moved up so that way this pain goes away sooner, but it isn't looking promising. It's an outpatient procedure most of the time, depending on how your vitals are during recovery and observation. Some people have to stay overnight. I'm annoyed at the healthcare system right now...the way they treat people. my doctor's office won't even let me talk to my doctor. this man is going to cut into my body and remove parts and I can't even talk to him about it. everything has be screened through his assistant, which is way this has taken so long. i've been in pain now for almost three months. i've lost my appetite, lost weight, i'm fatigued, bruising, running fever on and off, feeling sick, and my abdomen is swollen up. it's miserable and even though i've voiced my suffering, it doesn't take a high priority to them...i don't fit into their schedule. i'm thinking i might go to a different doctor's office, even though i like my doctor...when i actually get to see and talk to him. this is all so ridiculous....wishing at this point that something ruptures or explodes or causes some emergency so that it can be taken care. no one should get to that point.

if the surgery gets moved up, i'll let you all know.

random monday post

so landon was in the bath tub tonight and i just so happened to be taking incriminating photos of him to use against him when he's older, and i thought i'd capture his newest concept on video....in. every night when the bath is over, i tell him it's time to clean up and we put all the toys away before the draining the water. he has caught on now and has figured out that the toys go in the bucket. it was cute.




i may not be blogging too much in the next, oh i don't, week or so. the doctor told me today that i need to go in and surgery. i'm not what day i have to go for it, but it doesn't sound like major surgery. for the past couple of months, i've had this terrible pain in my lower right abdomen and i went to two doctors and had numerous tests before they sent to my primary obgyn, the same doctor that delivered landon. he discovered a mass on my right ovary and said it might also be causing some problems to the appendix as well. after what they call "watchful waiting" and tryingto treat it with a steriod hormone, i had another ultrasound the end of last week. the mass didn't go away and didn't even shrink a little....impervious to the medicine. it was supposed to disappear all together. the pain is still there and so the doctor is recommending to have laproscopic surgery to remove the mass primarily and if necessary, other organs. from what i read online, it could be a little nothing surgery with little recovery time, or it could be a war zone in there. my worst fear, of course, is that it's cancer. based on everything that i've been reading i've been displaying almost all the syptoms of ovarian cancer, most recently loss of appetite and weight loss. hopefully it isn't anything that serious. the people that i have told always ask the same question "does this mean you can't have any more kids?" so far, the answer is "no". the doctor doesn't predict any infertility problems. so keep your fingers crossed for me that it's a pesky cyst and nothing more!!!

love to all of you!!

at the park

it was one of the those gorgeous november days here in arizona. the temperature was perfect to be outside and so we took landon and the dogs to the park. here are some pictures of us with the dogs. for those who don't know, gage is the black and brown dog and nala is the tan one with the long, crazy, spotted tongue.

landon loves to go on the swing, but someone else was using them. landon is bigger now, so we thought he might like going down the slide. here's the video and based on his expression, maybe we'll just stick to the swings for awhile. this is when everything starts to get fun! he's becoming so interactive and before, the park was just a place that wasn't the house, but he was able to get out of his stroller and walk around and he seems to like it. i'm glad that now that weather is a little less harsh we'll be able to go more.

the day came...and it was messy!

we had landon's first birthday party on november the first. it was a sad day and i was upset in the morning, but as we decorated for the party and got landon's gifts out, the look on his face made it hard to stay sad for long. he was so excited! our good friends the perrys and the burninghams came and landon's uncle logan came too. the house was noisy but it was great to everyone there. i remember when we went to kade's first birthday and we just kept thinking about how fast the time had flew. now, we were realizing it with our own little one. jordan made landon a little basketball cake and it was so cute. it was little, so just landon would eat....or destroy it. here we are singing happy birthday to him.

then it was time to get dirty!! it took him a little while to really get into eating the cake. everything up until that point in his life had been in liquid form or in tiny bite sized pieces. i think he was more overwhelmed by the portion. eventually he got it to fall apart and luckily he took his clothes off or it would have been an even bigger mess. needless to say, it was straight into the bath after he was done. he is eating the cake. the rest of the pictures can be seen from the picasa link below the video. it was a good day! full of laughter and love. i just wish that our family could've been there to share it with us. it isn't fair to them or us to miss out on these events, like birthdays and holidays. hopefully, it won't always be that way.

picasa link to pictures is:

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/LandonSFirstBirthdayParty#

one year old today!

it feels like just yesterday we were in the hospital having our little landon. he was born october 30, 2007 at 10:17am. this morning, we woke up and he was a year old. it is incredible how fast the time goes. it's hard to even remember those first days and first few months, when he was so small and fragile. now, he's rough and tumble, walking and falling but pulling himself up. this past year for us has been amazing. being a mom is a lot of hard work but it's so worth it. it is fun and fulfulling and everyday i am so thankful to have this guy. my heart swells everytime i get that big, wide mouthed smile! the year has been full of so much love and we've really grown into our little family. jordan is the best dad to landon. he loves him so much and you can see it everyday in his eyes, like he's holding him for the first time. landon just adores him and i knew all along that jordan was going to be a fanatastic dad but he amazes me still everyday. when it's been a long night, or a rough flight home, or even just a tummy ache, those are the moments when you really understand what unconditional love is. we have it for him and he has it for us. over the past year, he has reached all the milestones that kids do and with each passing day, he changes. he figures things out and he's becoming a little person. it's a bittersweet day and i have to admit that i've been a little sad, because he's no longer my little baby bucket....but this morning when he woke up and i came into the room and he reached out for me, i picked him and he laid his head on my shoulder, and i knew that this was just the begining. so i put the sadness aside and decided to have fun with my son on his birthday. i wanted to remember the day with something he could enjoy doing and have as a keepsake. we did fingerpainting, which was in fact fun, but it was also a huge mess!!! let's just say a bath was needed afterwards for the both of us. here's video of my one year old landon, the mess maker. happy birthday baby boy!

philly trip

here is the link to our picasa album with all of our pictures from our trip to pennsylvania

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/TripToPhilly08#

a giraffe in the room....geoffrey giraffe

i took landon out shopping with me today to get some things for his birthday this month. we got to toys r us and as we were walking through the aisles, i realized how strange it was that i was taking him shopping to get his presents. presents are great because of the element of surprise....its disguised with wrapping paper and the thoughts of your lists or going through your head. this little guy was watching me pick things out and but he'll still be surprised because kids that young don't have their long term memory fine tuned yet. he even got out of the cart and walked down the aisle, browsing and skipping over toys i would've thought he'd like to play with. his eyes lit up and he got his squeaky toy-sounding laugh going over an activity table that was extremely over priced. as i watched him, in his half standing-half squating stance, i realized that he wasn't my little baby anymore.
i knew i was going to be sad when he turned one and the quote, unquote, infant phase was over. i was picking out clothes and had to start looking in the bigger kid section. it felt like the days of layette sets and soft plush toys was so long ago, when the opposite is true. it's hard to remember those first few days of his life...how tiny and fragile he was. now, he was walking around the store, flirting with all the girls, and shaking his head no when presented with a toy he wasn't crazy about. he'd lose his balance and plop down on his padded behind but get right back up again. he's my little man now.
at the end of the day, we came home and unloaded all the bags. i put all his birthday stuff in the downstairs office, and put away all the stuff he was going to be using now and for our upcoming trip to pennslyvania. still a little sad that his closet was full of 12 month clothes, he came up to me with his binky and his favorite blue blankie and put his arms up for me to hold him. we sat down and he laid his head on my chest. he drifted off to sleep and i wasn't sad anymore. he may not be a newborn, but he is still my baby, reagardless of what size clothes he has and what toys we get for him.

the day we wait for all year here

the phoenix desert finally took a break today from it's scorching temperature. the still sat high in a clear blue, cloudless sky but it relaxed a little on the heat. the wind was blowing and gave the perfect blend of warmth and breeze. if it was like today all year long, i wouldn't mind living here so much. today feels like a day where the leaves on trees should be piling up on the ground and your sweatshirt is a welcome addition again to your everyday wardrobe. in washington, where we're from, you know when the seasons are changing....its in the air...literally. the evergreen trees start to strengthen their aroma to block out the smell of the rain falling onto dead leaves. the desert never has an inviting smell. the desert has no such fragrence to offer. all it has is it's sunny skies. today, and the for next couple of months, it will be ideal weather that washington can't compete with as far as a winter goes. you can wear a long sleeve and jeans with flip flops. you can wear a hoodie and shorts. the warmth from cuddling up with a blanket is enough...no need to turn on the heater. hot chocolate in the morning fills your stomach with a delictable fullness. these will be the months that i don't mind living in the desert......then march and april will come and i will wish we were back home....going to the lake for lazy spring and summer days or swimming and picnics and barbeques. rain at night that beats against the roof in a rythmic lullaby. hikes in mountains with trails lined in blooming flowers. i wish i could have to it both ways, like the retired people do. i guess, only more 30 or years or so and we can have it that way. for now, we will soak up days like today in their phoenix glory and wish for washington when the temperature in three digits long.

proof

here are some wobbly steps caught on video. now, he can make it from one side of the room to the other! he can even do it without one of us holding him. he'll pull himself up on the table or the couch and off he goes.

small feet, big steps

for a few weeks now, landon has been cruising...which in baby terminology means he's been walking around while holding onto something, usually furniture. he's fast now and over the last few days, was getting brave enough to let go and stand on his own for a few seconds. just yesterday, after landon and picked up jordan at the airport, landon decided to welcome his dada home by taking his first wobbly baby steps. it was awesome! we were in the hallway in our bathroom and we let him try once and he tumbled sideways but we picked up him right back up and he tried again. jordan put his arms out and landon took a good five steps on his own and fell into jordan's arms. today, he did the same thing in the kitchen but it more like six or seven steps.
jordan's mom said all the kids walked early and my mom said that i did too and i wasn't expecting him to try so early but he did and he was so proud of himself too! his face light up and even though he looked like a little drunk man stumbling home from the bar, it was the cutest thing i've ever seen
our little walking boy at tem months and three weeks old!

the day....it came

this past weekend, landon and i went to california to see my family there for a few days. the flight from phoenix to burbank is a short one, less than an hour and a half. i was as prepared as i could be....i had bottles and toys and snacks, binky and blanket. this would be the first time he and i had traveled together alone. i arrived early in the terminal and checked in with the gate attendant. as i sat down, i could see that look on all the other passenger's faces..they were all thinking to the themselves "oh no, there is a baby on this flight". i couldn't pass judgement on any of them because it was just a short time ago that i was one of those paranoid passengers. i would size up the baby and the parents, analyze their terminal behavior and make my assumptions about how bad this was going to be for us all. a slight roll of the eyes and an hour with headphones on wouldn't be so bad i guess.
so they all sized me up, looking at my blonde haired blue eyed charmer. he had all the travel essentials and was behaving well.
we boarded the flight at about 8pm and this was a delight to me, hoping that the flight would coinside with the time he usually fell asleep and it would be smooth sailing.
he gave a great ten minutes...sat quietly, appeared to be sleepy, and cuddled up on my lap. i was starting to put the big ha! ha! to everyone in the plane and say "how dare you assume just because he's a baby he would be loud and disturb your flight." just as i got to that confident level, my little landon popped up, took out his binky, and started yelling. we had got to cruising altitude and his ears hadn't popped. he cupped his hands over his adorable protruding ears and cried and cried. i felt so bad. it was obvious that he was uncomfortable. i tried to soothe him with a bottle and a game of peek a boo but it wasn't working.
i was suddenly having flashbacks of a bill cosby segment about jefferey who was three years old and everyone on the plane hated jefferey. i laughed at the time, but i imagined i looked a bit like the mother he described, hair a mess and a long drawn face from the stress.

it was the longest hour ever!

just as we started our descent, landon curled up with his favorite blue blankie and fell asleep. i breathed lightly so as not to jostle him awake.
the plane landed and everyone deboarded and although the passers by all commented on how cute he was and handsome, i knew they ended those comments in their mind with "while he's alseep." i gathered up my sleepy bundle and headed out, knowing that next time, it was going to be better. i had survived my first baby flying experience and figured since no one had asked us to spend the duration of the flight in the tiny lavatory or worse, never return, it had been a success.

today, we flew back. as before i mentally prepared myself and packed everything, but the over confidence. i knew that things could go wrong again despite the toys and bribery of playing with my cell phone.

it happened again. ears wouldn't pop, snacks didn't work, binky wasn't helping, except there was no nodding off at arrival. we gathered our things and walked off the tiny plane. the yelling and agony continued the whole way home...another hour's worth.
i was exhausted, he was exhausted and wet and we were both hungry.

as i laid him down in his room to change him, he looked around and stopped crying and started to laugh. he knew he was back home. it almost erased all that stress and drama to see him happy in the home that jordan and i have given him. he gave me a slobbery raspeberry and called for his dada and then he took a bath with all his rubber duckies and toys.

i guess when we fly to pennslyvania next month, a good four hour flight, we'll head off with the "what are you gonna do? he's a baby afterall" mentality and just take the dirty looks as they come and remember that we used to be the annoyed travelers once too. we'll just smile and aplogize and go about our way.

he's never going to want to go to formula after eating all this new fun food....guess it wouldn't be such a bad thing. this is landon eating string cheese for the first time. mess maker!

just a few pictures from our wedding

it was the perfect day to get married....not too hot, not too cold. we had a morning wedding. we got married at newcastle golf club and it was gorgeous! my bridesmaids looked fantastic! they actually like their dresses too. kami, stephanie, and suzi kept me sane (and awake) as we got ready in the morning and kept me laughing too. jordan's groomsmen, paul, nick, and ryan all looked so handsome in their tuxes. jordan picked out the colors. our official wedding colors were white, pewter and black...golf course chic is what i called it. although we didn't write our own vows, i wrote the vow we took to include a line about being each other's biggest fan...sports reference a must. our ceremony was full of little oops moments....ring stuck in the pillow, wrong music down the aisle, licking jordan's finger to the get the ring on. looking back at the pictures, it's impossible to capture the excitement and the joy of knowing i was going to spend the rest of my life with jordan and that he had chosen me too.

p.s. the cake was soooo good. white cake with cream cheese and wild rasperberry filling. yummy!

new to this!

i am getting on this train finally. all my friends do it and i thought since our family is spread out all over the country, it would be a good way to keep everyone in the loop as to what is going on with us.
this week, jordan and landon are in washington and oregon for jordan's cousin's wedding. i, on the other hand, am at home with the two dogs and the cat. they are good company and good security too. the boys left only a day ago and i miss them both like crazy.
landon is getting so close to walking. he cruises around the room, barely holding on to something. i think he might walk in the next couple of weeks.
he just passed his 10 month bechmark on his way to his first birthday and it is funny to see him turning into a little person. he has a sense of humor and he's so smart.
he just broke through with his first tooth, but better late then never. he has the biggest open mouth smile, so it's kind of sad that now it will change, but it will allow to eat all the things he sees us eating all the time.

baby taylor, our niece and landon's first cousin, got her baby blessing this past sunday. for those of you who aren't Mormon, allow me to clarify; a blessing is not a baptism. a blessing is a verbal gift, if you will. it voices the hopes and aspirations for the child during their life and documents the baby on the church records.
i was born and raised with catholic values, so i baptized when i was an infant. the Mormons have the belief that a child choses their faith at the age of 8. there is no need to baptize the babies because they are God's purest beings and if anything happens to them, they go right to heaven to be with him. the lds people say that the spirits inside the babies that pass only needed a body for a short time. its a wonderful belief.

taylor cried most of the time, but she was hungry. landon was so good though. he was quiet and sat there holding his blanket and just listened as his grandpa (jordan's dad) spoke to the group in the room. it was us, logan and felicia, kyle, jenna, rd, baby sarajane, sumner, kami, ryan, kade and the bishop. small room so it got kind of hot in there.

after the blessing, we all went for a picnic in the park and it was a hot day so the little boys played in the splash pad. landon was fearless. i took his clothes off and let him crawl into the fountains with only his diaper on and he wasn't scared at all. he'd put his hand over the spout and laugh as it shot back up. he never cried or whined at all. he's a water baby!

jordan's dad was here visiting this weekend and came for the blessing, but also to take jordan's sister katrina home. i was sad to have her leave. growing up, it was just me and mikey and i didn't have any girl cousins my age so it was fun to have someone to go to the mall with and watch movies with. felicia and i took her to get a pedicure and it was her first time. after we were done, she said it was fun but strange because the nail tech doesn't talk to you. i told her it's because they don't really speak english. i made a joke that they talk about us though in their native tongue, because i really think they do. they aren't shy about it.

it was back to work after the long weekend and it was long day.

hope to have some pictures up soon.