poor little guy

ever since landon was born, he hasn't been well a day in his life. this crouping, stressed cough along with labored breathing follow him everyday. when he was born, he was in distress while i was pushing. he came out and there was a flood of doctors and nurses in the room. he wasn't breathing well and his heart beat was irratic. it wasn't the moment mothers dream of when they have their babies. i got to hold him for only a minute before he was taken to the level 2 nursery. when we got to see him, he was hooked up to breathing tubes and ivs. we couldn't even hold him without getting tangled up in cords. now, over a year later, the poor kid is still having to endure poking and proding to find out what is wrong with him. instead of sleeping in today, basking in the joy of christmas that was yesterday, landon and i had to get up at six in the morning and drive an hour to Phoenix children's hospital. worst part was, landon couldn't eat anything for at least three hours before we went, not even milk. he didn't wake up well and i was dreading the morning to come. we had to go to the hospital so they could could do an upper g.i. scope. he had to drink a barium solution and the radiologists had to watch it go down his esophagus and into his digestive track. they were looking for a collapse or impression in his esophagus that could be contributing to what they call the "stridor", which is the sound that he makes when he coughs. looking it on the internet, i found that it is a noisy, high pitched sound that may suggest some sort of infection or obstruction in the breathing airways. it's a symptom of something else, not a disease in itself. he was well behaved and going to the children's hopsital is always better than the regular hospital. they watched him digest the solution and looked for any problems. the radiologist said that this is usually the test done first to rule out anything gi wise. he said he didn't see anything but will give the results to the doctor to use in combination with the next test he has to get done.
from here, landon has to have a brochoscope done. he has to have a rigid scope done, so he'll be put under anthesia for the procedure. they are doing this form so that if they need to biospy any tissue or correct a narrowed, collapsed or damaged airway, they can. this hasn't been scheduled yet but should be happening in the next week or so. i'm going to be there for him...and for myself. i've been waiting for someone to give me an answer to his problems his whole life. it keeps getting pushed back on a cold, or allergies, or congestion, or "it's going around". we recently found out that a pediatrician diagnosed landon with a chronic disorder called reactive respiratory disorder back in february, but never told us about it. i found about it when i called to get copies of his record sent to my work. this disease is very confusing becasuse some doctors say it must not be confused with asthema and some websites say they are one of the same. regardless of what it is, that isn't what the pulmonologist has told us. so we're going to put landon through the poking and proding and sedation to find something!! hopefully, it is nothing too seirous like a defect in his airways or a tumor or anything else scary you read about on the internet and the doctors list as the "worst case scenarios for this situation".

so my poor little guy. i just want him to have an answer and ultimately, a solution.

merry christmas one and all

it finally came! christmas morning! the presents had been sitting under the tree for days and landon wasn't the only one waiting to open them. we got our little boy up, or the other way around, and went downstairs to open the stockings first. even the dogs and cat got gifts in their stocking. we had intended to stay in our pajamas, but i've been living in my sweatpants the last few days since i had my wisdom teeth out and felt like wearing regular clothes. logan, felicia, taylor and kyle came over for brunch and gifts. jordan made coffee cake, bacon, and sausage and we drank coco and enjoyed each other's company. it's strange; we live fairly close to each other and don't each other very much. our visits are streched across weeks and sometimes, months. work and everything else tends to get in the way. today though, it was all about family. the boys played video games and watched basketball and the girls watched after the kids. we bought a webcam and so did the washington dunn family. we did our gift opening via webcam chat and it was so neat because we could see the looks on their faces when they opened the gifts we picked for them. everyone was there too! it was great! the grandparents got to see the babies and we talked about all the snow they have had in the last week. they sent us pictures and their whole yard was covered in snow! no snow here in phoenix...just cold and rainy today, which is out of the ordinary, so it was welcomed. i need to get better at managing my cell phones minutes because i didn't get to talk to my mom, dad, or brother very long today. it was nice to talk to them though, and know that they are enjoying their christmas as well. i haven't really been able to talk at all the last couple of days, so it was good to talk...period. we missed all of our family and friends and wish they could have all been here to talk with and laugh with.

this christmas was fun because landon understood what was going on, more so than last year. he helped rip off wrapping paper and ate christmas brunch with us. he played with the toys and books we got him and wore himself out playing with the little tikes hoop we bought him. i think he might go pro one day! check out this dunk!

here are the rest of the pictures from our christmas morning.

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/Christmas2008#

as the day winds down, the dishes get clean, the wrapping paper finds its way into the recycling bin, we hope that you all had a wonderful and joyous day as well. we hope you got everything you wanted and we hope that you even had the chance to give to those less fortunate than yourself, even if it was the smallest donation. we gave to the salvation army several times and gave a toy for tots. hope someone enjoys it and it brings a smile to their face.

as the new year approachs, it starts the time to reflect on the past year, comment on how fast it went by. it's also time for most people to torture themselves with new year's resolutions. most resolutions last six weeks into the new year. it's a depressing statistic. imagine what all could be accomplished if people had a little more willpower and endurance in their goals. the problem for some is they make the statment "this year i will......" knowing they won't obtain the end result and therefore can proclaim the same resolution each and every year. some have every intention of sticking to their guns. somewhere along the way, they just get lost or busy or distracted. so, my loved ones, i ask that this year, you set a resolution that can be reached. don't make it too easy...make it so some hardwork goes into it....and let us not fall into the habit of making other people's resolutions for them. ie. i tell my mom every year, this will be the year you stop smoking, and she has no intention to stop, and then i get disappointed come december. easy steps this year:

1. make a resolution that you know you can keep, it means a lot to you to accomplish, and you won't give up on it in april

2. don't make anyone else's resolution (outloud)

love and blessings to you all!!! talk to you again soon! sleep tight!

it's almost christmas..but you wouldn't know it looking outside

most of the country right now is being hit with snow and ice storms. mail has been halted to a stop in some cities, including marysville, where we're from. our brother nayt works for the post office and slid into a ditch in his mail truck the other day. thankfully, he's okay. all over the states, schools are being canceled and people are freezing. water pipes are bursting in houses because of the cold and football players are playing games with zero visibility.....for crying out loud, the vegas strip was under a foot of snow!!! but here, in arizona, not the case. in fact, we are not trapped by snow at all. landon, jordan, and i went to the park today and hung out. it was a beautiful day, maybe in hte 60's somewhere for temperature. it wasn't even cold enough for me to opt for closed toes shoes, so i rocked the flip flops. it was great for us in arizona. i really miss the snow though. it always makes me think of nights by the fireplace, cocoa, and big comfy blankets. we've only turned out heat on twice so far. not to brag or rub it in the faces of those shoveling snow off their driveways, or wearing eight layers just to get to the mailbox..not at all. i'll trade you a week or so of this weather to even this season as it was intended to be enjoyed.

anyway, christmas is almost here! we finally got one room of our house looking festive. we hung our stockings and i stacked all the presents under the tree. this could have waited a few days, but it makes the room feel warmer somehow. they are alittle too tempting for landon, however. he keeps going over and picking up the lightest ones and carrying them to us. here is, busted, sitting amongst the gifts. it'll be so exciting to watch him open them, or try at least. last year, he slept through christmas morning because he was only a few weeks old. hopefully he likes what we picked out for him. oh! and we are proud to report that landon has been off the bottle for almost a month now...baby bottle that is. we've made a transition into sippy cup. new years resolution for landon will be to give up his binky, which i anticipate to be harder then giving up the bottle.

we will be enjoying christmas with logan, felicia, baby taylor, and kyle. we are doing a christmas brunch, instead of a big dinner. everyone gets to come in their pajamas and we're going to have our gift exchange. got a big family?? do as the dunns do! we do a secret santa and everyone picks one other person to give a gift too. we all try to keep it a secret until christmas, and in past years it has been pretty much gone to the spoils, but now that the younger kids has grown up a bit and can actually keep their secrets, there is more mystery this year. it's worked pretty well. jordan and i give a family gift to the washington dunns and they give a family gift to us too. we don't know what we're getting this year, because we didn't decide in time, so we are left to our own devices in check form. we'll do something fun with it, i'm sure.

so again, merry christmas to all of you who follow this blog and anyone new to see it! love and joy to everyone!

o christmas tree!

this year, we happened upon a tree from a friend of mine. we haven't had one of our own since we moved here to arizona. to get a real tree, you better be ready to spend some big time bucks. i was always used to the daily family tradition of going out days before christmas, sometimes christmas eve, and picking out the best looking tree with my dad. i loved the way it smelled in the house in the middle of the night. no aromas from the kitchen were interfering. everytime we fly back to washington, i get out the airport and take a deep breath and the evergreen smells takes over your senses. it always reminds me of christmas. it's a fake tree and it isn't extravagant but it doesn't matter...i was just so excited to have one. landon was excited too. he loves the christmas lights on the tree and he liked to play with the ornament. he even let me try and decorate him. i was seriously considering using this picture for my christmas card..in fact, i still might.

i may not be posting next week, despite the holiday. i have to have three wisdom teeth surgically extracted on monday the 22nd....urg. i know, something else, right? hopefully this will be the last thing i'll be dealing with for awhile. so if i don't get a chance to get the cards out, or give you all phone calls, have a wonderful christmas. enjoy your familes and friends. drink some coca and cuddle up with big blankets and stare aimlessly at your trees. just embrace and hold on to the moments as they're happening. yes, the gifts will be nice, but we got the biggest gift and december 25th is his birthday!!!!

the "daycare" kid

i've realized my worst fear as a working mom. my son, my little landon, has been the typically daycare kid....you know the ones. they always have something wrong and you can spot them from anywhere due to the ever flowing runny nose. after almost 3 weeks of no daycare, landon went back on tuesday. later in the afternoon, i got that dreaded call that landon had a fever and i needed to come get him. this is not the first time. whenever the phones ring and see their name pop up, i cringe and pray....i know something is wrong, and at the same time, i hope it isn't something serious, or worse, life threatening. so i went and got him, took him right to the doctor. after a short, hardly thorough exam, she determined he had an ear infection. i informed he was already being treated for an ear infection, and she said sometimes it goes and comes....huh? so we filled his prescription and we were sent on our way. spiking temperatures, rotavirus, and cough that he hasn't been able to kick since he was born pretty much...daycare kid. how do i know that my son isn't some fragile germ magnet? because when my mother in law was here for the summer, landon was here with her and he was really doing a lot better. as soon as he went back, he was a mess again. to make matters worse, he is starting to show the signs of a daycare kid in his battle wounds. he's been bitten a couple times, causing bruises and marks. bumps on the head needing cold compresses and then there is that runny nose....dead giveaway.
he's seen specialists at the top hospitals, had a hospital stay even, and he never gets better. i love him and along with being happy and well adjusted, i want him to to be healthy. not a day goes by when i don't hear that labored, low croup. most of the time, he acts liek it doesn't even bother him. he coughs and then smiles and walks away. i don't want it to be something he just lives with. i don't want him to accept the fact that he's a daycare kid...i want him to be able to run around the park without wheezing and coughing after ten minutes.

daycare kid.....i never thought he'd be one of them.

back to work

today, i had to go back to work. i've been on leave to have and recover from surgery and although it was no vacation, it was so nice to have that time with jordan and especially with landon. he and i had so much fun together. spending that time together was priceless. i realized just how much of his day i'm missing when i'm a work. between the commute and my actual work day, we have only a few true, quality hours together. i miss his snacks and his new tricks, like pointing. i miss hugs and laughs. i felt like crying all the way to work as i drove in alone today. i was leaving a par of me at home and i felt a pull getting stronger the more miles i put between me and home. i'd always thought i'd be a stay at home mom; carting the kids to playdates and baking cookies, enjoying more of the mess in the process then the result. i wanted to enjoy the nap time cuddles and greet my bread winnind husband at the door, child on hip. i essentially wanted to be a wife in the fifties. i even wanted to sport the apron, even though i know i really don't cook anything. it was appealing....if you look past oppressed women rights and young mothers with drinking problems. realistically, we're in a society to live to work, not work to live. jordan and i got used to our life when it was just our life...maybe at one point before we bought our current house we could have kept it small scaled and i could've stayed home and raised our adorable son.....maybe, could've, would've are no good now. now, i have a job, jordan has a job and we have a son to support. i like the company i work for and the benefits have allowed landon and i to be as sick as we could possibly be affordably. i just wish it were different. i would even settle for part time.
what i would really want, what would be ideal would be to work part time, stay home with landon, sell my writing to make up for the lack of time spent behind the desk, and live off the salary of my husband's sports statistics job. it would be a win win life; i'd still be making money, doing what i love (writing), staying home with my mess maker, and jordan would be ranking nba players on their missed free throws and rebounds. to make it truly ideal, our family would live nearby and we would have big family dinners every sunday night and we'd play board games and drink coco....very currier and ives. we'd all take family pictures in delightfully cheesy matching sweaters and have picnics in the park. again, the fifties weren't so bad for moms, right? just avoid the nip of scotch after supper.
for now, i'll plug away at a 9-5 pace and try to keep the perm-a-smile going as i do it....all along knowing that we are capable of more love if we just have more time...and more money would help too

thanksgiving, thanks, and healing

i know i'm a little late on my thanksgiving post, not my fault. i tried and there was some type of error. anyway, happy thanksgiving to all who read this!! i hope that your day was full of friends, family, fun, and love; like ours was. jordan made an amazing dinner of all white meat turkey, homemade gravy, green beans, rolls, and jello salad. we appointed the relatives to bring the other stuff, like soda and chips, etc. my brother in law logan came with his wife felicia and my niece taylor, or tay is what we call her. my brother in law kyle came and brought his new girlfriend for us to meet. her name is jordin......in case you are not aware, i am married to a jordan and my brother mikey is dating a girl named jorden. what did i start?? (mine's the best one though) felicia's dad and sister also came for dinner. nothing makes a house feel more like a home than the warmth of family in it. i wish that all of our family could've been there. we would have needed more turkey, but it would have been the best thanksgiving ever. we played video games, a board game, we talked about our kids, and we laughed a lot. we even managed to get us all in one picture. tay was just about to take a nap and she wasn't very happy to be participating.

here is the picasa link to some more pictures...not a ton, and none of the food actually, but it captures our day.

http://picasaweb.google.com/dunnboy10/Thanksgiving08#

i was still healing from surgery and still kind of am. having an exploration done of your abdomen is tough to recover from and you never quite realize just how much you use those muscles until you are wounded and unable to. picking up landon is the hardest thing. my arms are getting stronger, trying to compensate for the loss of the core muscles to lift him. he isn't very big but he's solid. he is getting to be such a kid now, instead of a baby. case in point, his jumper chair was sitting in the back bedroom. landon had lost interest in it and had sort of outgrown it was well. taylor needed some entertainment, so i brought it out for her to play in. as soon as she was in, landon walked right over and wanted to play with it. he was trying to shake her out of it and watching them interact was hilarious. we got some of it on video. they were just so interested in each other. it's funny to think that landon doesn't realize he was a baby like her not so very long ago. he sees babies in the store or at the park and he smiles and laughs, but it doesn't register to him that he isn't that much older than they are.

speaking of thanksgiving, i should post what it is that i am thankful for. i am thankful for my wonderful husband jordan. without him, i would be lost, adrift in the world with no direction. he is my personal accountant, chef, and comedian. he is the best best friend anyone could ask for because he is truly a good human being. he is the most incredible dad to landon too. i always knew he would be but he amazes me everyday. i am thankful for my little guy landon. he is a daily reminder of how blessed we are and how much joy we have in our lives. it's hard to remember how we were before him but we are better people because of him. we are so thankful for our familes. i am blessed to have my family and also a warm and inviting in law family in the dunns. logan was my best friend in high school and im so lucky to now have him as a brother. kyle is thes best! he even came over to help take care of landon when i wasn't able to during the first days of recovery. he read books, changed diapers and to boot, he even fed my dogs before he left. i love them all! we are thankful for our friends, both here and far away. the perrys and the burninghams are there for us when we need them and they have been a great support system for us here in arizona. they always keep us laughing and you know what they say about laughter; it prolongs your life. they have given us many extra years. we are thankful for our house, our jobs, our pets. we are most thankful to be watched over and loved from our God above and he watches over those who hold places in our hearts as well. he challenges us everyday and in our thoughts and prayers, he knows we apprecaite both the successes and the failures. he is neverending and although i wasn't rasied in the church, like jordan was, i know our family keeps him close to us. our son will know that he is loved and blessed, and that is a tremendous gift.

speaking of gifts, the holidays are now upon us....being crammed down our throats by stores, commercials, all holiday music channels, etc. can you believe a man was trampled to death at a walmart by crazed shoppers day after thanksgiving? killed for discounts. those are the people stores love, the ones that have forgotten the true meaning of christmas. spiritually void consumers buying crap nobody really needs and most of the time, don't want. as we all do our shopping, and partake in the giving and receiving of gifts, let's just keep the real meaning of the season in mind. let's put family, friends, and faith ahead of $5 off 10 piece tool kits.

i know you all will and i wish you all a very happy holiday.

talk to you again soon!