bailing early...

so far, this pregnancy has been pretty uneventful...and i guess the little guy inside felt it was time to shake things up alittle bit.
on tuesday at work, i started feeling some contractions. i chalked it up to braxton hicks and didn't think much of it. later that night, the contractions started to get worse and painful and made it hard to breathe. i of course did what i always do when i'm not sure if something is or isn't wrong, i called my mom, my mother in law and consulted webmd. apparently. painful contractions aren't the norm this early in the pregnancy. as of wednesday, i'm only 24 weeks along. per the advice of my materal elders, i called the doctor in the morning and asked for his opinion. much to my surprise, they told me to come in right away and be seen in the labor and delivery triage ward. needless to say it wasn't the day i planned. i arrived at work, clocked in, and clocked right back out to head to the hospital. when i got there, they hooked me up to the monitors, one for me and one for the baby to track his heartbeat. the baby's heartbeat was good, steady. my montior was full of peaks and valleys, tracing the strengh and frequency of my contractions. my nurse told me that these weren't the dry run contractions i was used late in my previous pregnancy, these were the real thing....and they were unwelcome. they gave me two rounds of what they call the "stop shot" which is a medicine meant to slow the contractions. this shot made me feel like i chugged a gallon of mountain dew in a matter of seconds. my whole body was shaking and i was really warm. after the two rounds of the shots (which i did well with, no panic attack which i was proud of) they gave me another medicine which is a muscle relaxer also used to treat cardiac conditions. the nurse told me they'd have to do any exam, which was less than thrilling. during the exam, she discovered that these premature contractions were actually working and i was begining to dialte and eface. after some debate, my doctor decided to let me go home but only i was on bedrest and then come back and see him in the morning.
as i drove home, i was overwhelmed with the thought that my body, the vessel that was growing this human, was now trying to end it's term of purpose early. what would happen? "it's too early: is all i kept thinking.
i slap myself on the wrist now for doing it, but when i got home, i googled "preterm labor" and read about it from several different sites....all terrifying. baby could be born with short term and long term defects, have to live in the intensive care unit for months, and worse, not survive the birth or die shortly after. i didn't sleep all last night as i felt him moving around and wondering how i could make it so those kicks could one day find their way to a soccer ball in the backyard with his big brother.
this morning, i went to the doctor again. i sat in the waiting room looking at all the different stages of pregnant women and i wondered if they could see the worry on my face; how unsure i was that my tummy would even have the chance to grow big enough to block the view of my feet.
my doctor, a wonderful and caring man, asked me what was going on. we talked about how dangerous it was to go into labor at this point in the pregnancy and how we could delay this boy's arrival. he did another exam, again not the highlight of my day, and it wasn't good news...i had dialted a little more and my body was getting ready to have this baby. my heart sunk. he ordered me to stirct bedrest for the next few days and over the weekend....and he meant strict. nothing but bathroom trips, a shower a day, and food runs to the kitchen for me. this wasn't easy news for me to swallow. i'd have to be off work for a few days, maybe for the next few months. i'd have to sit around all day and not be able to clean, to do laundry, or to play with landon. i'd be sidelined.
so i headed home after stopping by work to explain my plight, and i passed target and thought "til we are able to meet again friend". with the new baby on the way, if this continued down the same path, i wouldn't be doing any shopping for awhile. it was even made clear that if i didn't heed the warning of the doctor and stay rested, than i'd be admitted to the hospital for the next three months. thanks heavens for the internet than....target.com is 24 hours.
so as i sit here, my first day on bedrest of (right now) 5, i'm already bored and hot and wanting to get up and move around. i feel terribly guilty as landon's mommy right now. he doesn't understand why i can't get up and get him snacks or play around with him or go to the park (if it was cool enough). luckily jordan is here and i'm making sure that if i need something, i'm asking nicely and saying please and thank you....i don't want him to think i'm taking advantage of him or make him resent me. for the next 5 days, it's me and the couch or me and bed and hopefully, next time we go to the doctor on tuesday, he'll have good news.
what am i going to do for the next 5 days? i'm going to surf the internet, read, try to sleep, and try not to panic as i try to convince this newcomer that he is in fact trying to bail early and it's not in his best interest. wish me luck! you'll probably see a jack nicholson type blog later this week....no walking and no cleaning and bedrest make nickey go crazy...