it's been awhile...

goodness...it has been quite some time since my last blog..i didn't realize it..i've been updating our "status" and giving information on my facebook page but it's just snippets of what's going on with us.

where to begin?

well, we'll start with our ever growing frustration with landon's medical condition. after a second bronchoscopy at the children's hospital, they discovered that this wait and see approach they have been taking has been just that..a waiting game with no result. landon has a congenital form of the defect which after two years of poking, proding, doctor after doctor they are just now figuring out. the treatment plan of action....shocking...wait and see...the doctors think that landon will eventually outgrow it as his trachea gets more mature. for the meantime, landon will continue to struggle with his breathing, keep getting sick, and continue to br treated different than all the other kids...especially at daycare.. the parents are always on high alert for the corprut for the latest strain of whatever is going on..they hear landon's barky cough, maybe see him choke or throw up (not acutal vomit, contents of his stomach but fluid all the same) and the jump to their own conculsions..for awhile there, landon kept being accused of carrying the pandemic swine flu..oh brother...that was a fun few weeks. in other regards, landon is doing well. he is starting to talk a lot and sometimes, it's a good thing and other times..we kind of wish he still didn't talk. he hasn't mastered the concept of being subtle about his asking for things..he will ask you for juice 50 times in a row, no exaggeration. he is starting to have an interest in potty trainging which we are excited about. he has had some successes and it's a work in progress. he is sleeping in his own big boy bed now and does well most of the time..every once in awhile he ends up in our bed in the middle of the night.

dylan is a happy tank of a little boy. he is so delightful and such a wonderful addition to our little family. he is starting to be really expressive and he has the best little laugh. he still isn't sleeping through the night which is frustrating but it is because he was so congested at night. i have a theory that he is suffering from allergies....we've been trying to mimimalize his exposure to the dogs and cat and that has been helping, with small doses of benadryl when he really needs it...when i presented my information to the doctor, he said, "you made a compelling case"...i didn't realize i needed to take that approach to my child's healthcare in order to be listened to but in our experiences with the healthcare field, i guess the best thing for a parent to do is become educated and then present the best case for treatment...anyway..dylan is rolling over and trying to crawl, it's more like bodysurfing...he can sit for a little bit unsupported and he plays with toys. we are starting solid foods but he is a big fan of his bottle.

jordan has been doing well. right now, he is designing the map for our backyard as we venture into landscaping it. this will be the first house we've actually wanted to put in the time and effort and funds into doing....landon needs a yard...he is a liked a caged animal in the house all day; if he doesn't get out at least for a walk then he goes crazy. jordan is so smart..he has basically done the job of a landscape designer, with all the software and measurements...saved us a bunch i'm sure..work has been good for him and we're so thankful that in this economy he hasn't had to worry about losing his job. we just had his 28th birthday this month and it was a lot of fun. i planned a surprise party for him and all of his closest friends came and it was nice to see everyone. we got to see cara who lives close to us again but we hadn't seen yet and mark even drove in from california..it was awesome and he was really happy. we're looking forward to jordan's parents and sisters coming to visit..we can't wait!!

as for me, a lot has been happening. when i'm not racing from doctor's office to office with the boys, i'm having some medical issues myself...again! a pain began to develop in my abdomen and it wasn't going away, it just kept getting worse. finally, it got so intense that i couldn't take it anymore and went to the ER. they did a CAT scan and found a golf ball sized mass in my abdomen...great..at this point in time, we are waiting to find out what it is, if it will go away or if i need to have surgery again..the wait is killing me.. the pain was supposed to be subsiding with some medicine they gave me but it is actually getting worse. i fear that instead of improving, it's growing or even spreading..i tend to terrify myself by anticipating the worst possible scenario..at this point, i'm concerned that the surgery may require the extraction of other organs like my gallbladder or an ovary or my whole reproductive system, and as always, it is scary when your symptoms match up with signs for ovarian cancer...i'll just have to wait and see..i go to the doctor again on wednesday (if i don't end up in the ER again before that). the pain, little sleep, and my full time work schedule are really taking a toll on me...i'm trying to find some internal strength..which leads me into my next big development..

all my life, i was looking up, looking for a sign that there was someone up there, bigger than me, watching over me....i wasn't rasied in a religious home, we didn't go to church but i always had this faith..that i knew one day it was going to make sense and i would feel a void being filled..recently (after deliberation, debate, and some down right refusal at points in time) i've been meeting with the missionaries with the LDS church...jordan was raised in the church and for the last few years, i've been what they call a dry mormon (not baptized) in that we live the standards for the most part and go to church sometimes and have had our children blessed. jordan was inactive for the better part of a decade and when i told him that i wanted to take the discussions, i was delighted to hear that he wanted to sit in and take them with me..a refreshed course for him and although i knew a lot about the church, there was so much more to find out. we've been attending church on sundays, visiting with the missionaries and also meeting other families in our ward and our neighborhood...it was been an amazing sense of belonging for us...one of the best things is that everyone has kids our kids ages and they have lots of kids to play with and we don't ever feel like we have to make an excuse for them because no one seems them as an disruption...they just talk right over them and pretend that they aren't being loud or rude. a lot of quesitons have been answered for me and we've been really happy because we feel a lot closer together. there are some sad points in this trip though...realizing that the things i did and knew were wrong anyway are still weighing on me, that i have hurts that haven't been comforted yet and that there are people in our life that mean so much to us that we want to help and reach out to and know that we can't or it isn't the right time...i told my mom that i was thinking of joining the church which was huge for me because there was a lot of mumblings and grumblings from my extended family when they heard i was marrying a morman..she was so surprising in her understanding and supportivness....i really was nervous abouyt bringing it up to her and i'm so glad that she was receptive..she did have some questions which i answered to the best of my ability but i love her for being there for me always, no matter what...i told my dad (which i was even more nervous about) and he said that he would still love me but is wanting to have a more serious discussion than text messaging would allow for, which i can understand.
we've just been so thankful for so the chance to meet so many wonderful families and also to realize that we already had so many great examples in our life already in our friends the perrys, burninghams, and francis' and of course, my in laws. it's still a work in progress (as is a lot in our life right now) but it is a joyful work...

so that is pretty much our news for the first part of the new year...i'll try and be better about updating this thing..as i type, dylan is pounding away at the jeyboard and landon is running amuck in the bedroom. there is not a lot of time for leisurly writing but i'll try and sneak away more frequently..